OH GOOD, A DIVERSION

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Saw a newscast that soft lunchboxes like the ones my kids use, may contain 500x the safe levels of lead. But only ones that come from China. How many can that be?

Checked the kids' lunchboxes. MADE IN CHINA!

There are only 3 motivating forces for Jews.

1. The reminder of past guilt. (e.g. That thing you did, ruined my life.)
2. Guilt. (e.g. It continues to plague me daily.)
3. The promise of future guilt. (e.g. I will never get over it.)

This thing hits all 3.

Add this to the fact that this particular guilt includes the act of having made food for someone else (the hallmark of any Jewish mom, and I don't do it that often, so I pack a lot of identity into those school lunches)... and the threat of cancer... this is now a five star crisis in our house.

Despite the cataclysmic nature of this news bulletin, the lady at Walgreens had no idea what I was foaming up about. (Her kids buy lunch at school.) So I found home lead test kit on the Internet and ordered it, so that we can test the lunchboxes for lead. (And I even ordered extra in case one proved inconclusive or we accidentally break the sterile field or some crazy thing.)

An hour later I thought to check where the lead test kits come from. EEGADS, Made in China! Does anyone smell a conspiracy here besides me?

Then found lead test kits made in Canada and changed my order. Top exports in Canada:

1. Molson Golden
2. Lumber
3. Fuel
4. Hockey equipment
5. Sheepishness

So I'm not sure they can really be trusted to test lead levels, but at least you don't have the clear conflict of interest as with the ones made in China.

We're breaking out the paper bags temporarily. Of course it might already be too late, and they'll have 6 eyes and 12 limbs by middle school. Guilt guilt guilt.

VIEW FROM BELOW

Becca, our 3 year old, may be little, but she really captured it all this morning.

I heard considerable noise coming from her room this morning (at 6:45 a.m. Preschoolers do not understand the concept of "weekend"), so I went to see what was going on. Becca was routing through her books.

She saw me and said, "We still move to Cantifordia?" (pronounced "can't afford ya")

"Yes," I said, wondering where this was all headed.

"Can I bring this book?" she asked. In her hand was a book that she swiped from her sister some months ago and is now claiming for her own.

"Becca," I told her in my best Reassuring Parent voice. "Of course you can bring that book. You can bring all of your things."

"I can bring this lamp?"

"Yes."

"I can bring this chair?"

Actually, we're going to sell that chair, it's a glider rocker that we used when the kids were babies. But she is testing me. What do I do? Where is Dr. Spock at 6:45 on Sunday?

"Yes you can bring that chair."

"I'm getting a SWIMPOOL. I want a straight one." (she makes hand gestures to show me straight, not curved)

"OK..." Note to self, straight pool. I also have to remember to move near a good hotel, as certain picky relatives have said they will not sleep out on the patio (read post 9/23). The list of requirements is mounting. I am getting a headache over my right eye.

WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT SAN DIEGO

Saturday, September 24, 2005

1. It's like 72 degrees all the time.
2. It's approximately 2000 miles from Chicago.
3. There are no gutters on the houses because it does not rain.
4. The Pacific Ocean is cold.
5. You can go to Mexico for the afternoon.
6. It's the nation's 7th biggest city (Chicago is the 3rd largest, and is more than 2x the size of San Diego).
7. Despite the differences in size, San Diego has just as many Corvette dealers and specialty shops as Chicago (14).
8. It has a county fair much like you find in the Midwest, only less stinky animals and more craft stuff.
9. It can't keep a mayor to save its life because of campaign corruption (ah we from Chicago know all about this).
10. It is home to 22 species of bats (OK now I am reaching because we really don't know much).

DON'T GOOGLE YOURSELF IF YOU HAVE SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES

Friday, September 23, 2005

I found another Michelle Edelman, who is a violin prodigy and apparently a very sweet individual. I have linked her website under my links.

I bet she would have absolutely no problem relocating herself to Southern California and is not obsessing about housing.

IT DOES NOT ADD UP

House in Chicago suburbs + our condo in Florida = lean-to in SoCal (in a very good school district)

So at the moment we are trying to buy a house in Southern California. It would be simpler if we had won the lottery or bought Apple stock in 1982. But as my mother usually points out, I like to try things the hard way, just to see what it's like.

We will lose our beloved basement but apparently, will save money on heating bills, snow removal, and gutter cleaning. So there's that. Also any of you who are thinking of visiting, might have to sleep out on the patio. But San Diego is perfect for outdoor snoozing. You'll be fine.

HOW DID WE GET HERE?

On this crazy day when hurricanes are displacing the country's poor into school houses and stadiums, we're not anywhere close to CNN where every self-respecting person with a day off should be. We're in our backyard, huddled over a self made hole in the ground.

We buried a statue of St. Joseph in this hole.

It's not really that odd, in and of itself. We are trying to sell our house. People believe that St. Joseph is the patron saint of home selling. Saint Teresa of Avila prayed that Saint Joseph would intercede to obtain land for Christian converts, and buried medals with a symbol of devotion to St. Joey to seal the deal.

I guess what is odd is that we are Jewish, and have no business burying St. Anyone in the yard. It makes me wonder. Will this work for us? And if it does, what does this mean about the whole Jewish thing.

At any rate, this ritual shows you the state we are currently in over here. We are a typical Midwestern family of four who, since September 9, when I signed on to help run a great but undiscovered ad agency in San Diego, have been slowly becoming unhinged at the prospect of transplanting ourselves to California.