SO... WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

1. Don't move to Ramona. Like living in a trailor park in the Midwest, you are apparently just askin' for it.
2. Remember to drink extra water or you will DRY OUT like SpongeBob in Sandy's house.

3. Related, use moisturizer. And bring your own. Don't expect the Best Western to be too concerned about your epidermis.
4. Have a plan before you leave home. (this is more a reminder to moi, as surely YOU knew this)
5. You should pack passports, photos, important papers, mementos/art, medication, photos of the inside of your house (should you need them for insurance claim). And your keys (duh I know but I am finding that I would forget my ass unless it was strapped on). Unless some guy with a badge screams in your face: GET OUT NOW! Then just grab anything with a pulse and go.
6. If you get a phone call from 911 telling you to leave your house - leave your house! Or if you see fire coming your way, don't wait for a call! Don't be a complete moron and stay in your house. Then the firemen have to stop what they're doing to rescue your ass, and they will call you a dumbshit to your face after assuring you are ok.
7. Let your kids take whatever they want. I don't care if this means you have to take a whole 2nd car. Sure they're only possessions and they don't count. This is NOT time for a life lesson (YES I did make this mistake). If they don't take things with them, they will run like screaming mimi's through the hotels and bop each other on the head in your car. And you will want to eject them into a canyon.
8. Don't try to stay on your diet. You will faint. Eat white flour and salt. Just for a day.
9. In fact, don't expect too much from yourself. It's ok to be a fire geek temporarily.
10. Never evacuate to Temecula. It's boring and it catches fire too.
11. If you evacuate to a sports stadium, they won't let you stay and watch the game.
12. Don't show up in some strange town trying to get a hotel reservation. Especially when 250,000 people are trying to do the same thing! Do it from home, from a computer, before you leave.
13. You can probably sneak a couple of cute dachshunds with big pleading eyes into a hotel that doesn't take pets. You can't sneak a goat. (yes we DID see people try it. They would have made it but the damn things made too much noise going up the stairs.)
14. Don't go home to "check on the looting." Whatchagonna do, take on a criminal?
15. And last but certainly not least. I implore you. Make the bed before you leave home. If you are watching TV later, and Brian Williams is interviewing the firefighter who just saved your home on the Nightly News, which one do you want to be the quote:

• "Well, Brian, it would have gone up sooner or later anyway. What a pit."

OR

• "And it's a privilege to save a home like this, Brian, so meticulously cared-for."

Yeah. I thought so.