Saturday, May 26, 2007
So I went to go see someone who talks to crazy people all the time regarding my retainer fixation.
"So... do you actually think your home is haunted by the ghosts of quiet but helpful Kumeyaay Indians?" Peering at me over reading glasses.
"Well. No. Maybe. I hope so. Because if that's the case, I'm not actually going crazy."
"And what is 'crazy' to you?"
"When things happen that you know you probably did, but you can't remember doing, and then you go and accuse your whole family instead of just chalking it up to Mommy Brain? And then getting paranoid and sweaty and wondering what reality actually is, to the point where your husband is afraid you really didn't drop the kids off at school and will wind up lost in the desert instead of at work?"
"Hmmm. Well, clinically, that's not crazy. There's not really a 'crazy', technically speaking." Preachy little bastard.
Apparently I am not actually crazy (even if there was one), nor is our house haunted (probably). Funny enough, as he asked me questions, I began to realize that what I am is pretty frazzled. Not sleeping well, not taking care of myself, difficulty concentrating, muscle aches.
I am learning about myself. That's one of the reasons why I wanted to make this move in the first place, personally, because I wanted to shake things up and keep learning. What I'm learning is that I swallow events instead of dealing with them. And when you swallow a big move, a job transition, and a life transition, at some point your body lets you know.
How many of you out there are going, DUH, she swallows things, and this big revelation was worth a $20 copay?? Sometimes learning about yourself is painful. Gimme a break, I'm frazzled.
In my case, at least I am doing tidy things that I am forgetting about. I could be pooping in the corner like the cats do when they're stressed out. So I am finally looking at the bright side of all this. And continuing to talk about the root of the frazzled. (Plus the drugs are helping.)
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