ARRRRGH, DUDE

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Ahoy me hearties! I am the Dread Pirate Becca, back from Halloweentime! This weekend was the pirate battle at the Maritime Museum and I was definitely the shortest and cutest girl pirate in all the land! Or so said many of the tourists. And we danced jigs and watched the cannons go off, hoorah! (Or possibly we tripped on the steps and hid from the cannons? Don't listen to me mum, she doesn't know anything!)

(But I was chicken of the bazillion adults dressed up like pirates... what is their deal anyway?)

SURFING IS HARD

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Ever since we landed in San Diego, I knew that some day, we would try surfing. And why not? Mice can do it. Babies can do it. Gidget did it.



When you talk to the typical adult in San Diego and tell them enthusiastically about your plans to take up surfing, they say one of two things:

  • are ya crazy?
  • I tried that once... (and then there is a terrible story about wiping out and swallowing the whole ocean and slicing a foot open)
Still, these reactions did nothing to temper my desire to take part in what is surely a defining vibe of San Diego. Dude.

So Sarah and I went to Camp Surf with the Girl Scouts. We got ourselves wetsuits. We prepared outselves to get out there with all the other brave moms and daughters and surf instructors and life guards.

Problem #1. There is a moment when you have to go from a prone position to standing in 1 move. This will never happen. No Edelman can do this move. Our centers of gravity are too low.

Problem #2: You must surf in the ocean. The waves come from nowhere. You have to react quickly. See problem #1.

Problem #3: If you don't hold the surf board exactly right, when the waves come, the surf board will fly into the air and whack you on the nose.

Sarah tried surfing exactly 1 time. She got sucked under and swallowed half the ocean. She promptly declared herself Done With Surfing and went to boogie board.

I tried surfing quite a bit. Because I am a moron and cannot accept my own limitations and was temporarily in denial of Problem #1. I swallowed the other half of the ocean and was whacked by the board several times. After the board whacked me so hard I saw stars, I thought it might be time to stop for the time being. I then joined Sarah boogie boarding. That I can do. You lay down and hold on, basically. I can lay down.

The other moms sat on the shore in canvas chairs and read Cosmo. And toasted me with their Diet Cokes.

PUBERTY STARTS WITH P.U.

Well, there comes a time in the life of all parents when they must ask themselves: how are they going to talk to their kids about sex and puberty? A defining question in parenthood, to be sure.

For my grandmother, this meant giving my mom a book on how cows reproduce. I think my mother was udderly confused (HAR! Ghost of Grandpa Alan!).

In my case, my mom pretty much core dumped everything while she was drying my hair one night. She used to blow dry my long hair in the kitchen while I sat on a small folding chair. I remember crying - it was so confusing. I think I was 12 or 13?

When my sister was around that age, my mom announced that she was really so done with all that. She told me to Go Talk to my sister. I was 20 so I figured, OK fine. Well, my sister was going to a school that was experimenting with inner city busing, so her friends Carmen and Carla had already told her everything and then some. Her questions for me had to do with gay sex and fetishes. I felt so much more educated after that talk.

And now here I am with Sarah. I think there has not been a time when we have not at least talked about our bodies. The girls see me undressing all the time and ask lots of questions. So we were good to go with all the physical changes.

Then one day in 3rd grade, Sarah's friend was upset on the playground. Sarah asked her friend what was the matter and her friend proceeded to tell her that she had walked in on her mom and an "uncle" engaged in adult activity. So at age 8, Sarah and I had a talk about what that meant... of course she was thoroughly grossed out and declared she was never going to have sex or have a baby. It was going to be chastity and adoption for her.

I guess I figured this was coming, so I wasn't exactly unprepared for this moment (except maybe for the "uncle" part). As someone who has to study pop culture for a living, I know how early kids are exposed to images of sex and how early they hear about it on the playground from some other kid with a smarty pants older brother.

So when Sarah's Girl Scout troop was getting together a seminar with a pediatrician on puberty and sex, I figured, heck, this is good, it's good to keep the lines of communication open. Maybe she's heard things she's wondering about and just hasn't gotten around to asking me. So we signed up. Pediatrician runs this practice:

http://www.healthychats.com/

As with many things in life, I suppose I did not really think through all the implications of this beforehand. Suddenly there we were with 10 other moms and daughters and a pediatrician with a Powerpoint presentation, and a demo of panties and pads! I will say that at least half of the other moms had not had any kind of discussion with their kids whatsoever - and some of these girls were 11 or close to it. There was a lot of this:

It must be a lot to take in if you have never heard it before. I suppose you get to feeling like an alien life form.

  • your feet are going to grow
  • you are going to have hygiene problems
  • you are going to cry for no reason
  • you are going to bleed every month and spring leaks in class
  • you are going to need a bra
  • you are going to break out
  • you are going to feel attracted to boys (whom you now hate!)
  • your body is actually releasing eggs, which have been in there all this time, you just didn't know it
Some of the moms looked just as traumatized as the kids. The pediatrician said things like, "I can guarantee that every girl in this room has started puberty" and "every mom in this room has had her period". The girls looked at the adult women like, WOW, you guys have your PERIODS.

Sarah did not seem shocked by any of it, but she was Not Happy at the news that she had already started puberty. The pediatrician went into a lot of detail about periods and the reality of them, which is really good, lots of stuff I would not have thought to say, but is probably the practical nature of what girls worry about (what if it starts and I don't have supplies with me? will other people be able to "tell" I have it? etc.). Of all of it, periods were the worst to hear about... probably because the pediatrician emphasized that it's actually against the law for kids to have sex, but that periods were going to happen to everyone, and you can't really predict when.

Though Sarah did redeclare her desire to remain chaste and adopt.

And now, every bad behavior is being blamed on puberty. Lest I remind her that she was lippy and grumpy when she was 7...

WE ARE PROBABLY NOT HAUNTED, AND I AM NOT CRAZY

So I went to go see someone who talks to crazy people all the time regarding my retainer fixation.

"So... do you actually think your home is haunted by the ghosts of quiet but helpful Kumeyaay Indians?" Peering at me over reading glasses.

"Well. No. Maybe. I hope so. Because if that's the case, I'm not actually going crazy."

"And what is 'crazy' to you?"

"When things happen that you know you probably did, but you can't remember doing, and then you go and accuse your whole family instead of just chalking it up to Mommy Brain? And then getting paranoid and sweaty and wondering what reality actually is, to the point where your husband is afraid you really didn't drop the kids off at school and will wind up lost in the desert instead of at work?"

"Hmmm. Well, clinically, that's not crazy. There's not really a 'crazy', technically speaking." Preachy little bastard.

Apparently I am not actually crazy (even if there was one), nor is our house haunted (probably). Funny enough, as he asked me questions, I began to realize that what I am is pretty frazzled. Not sleeping well, not taking care of myself, difficulty concentrating, muscle aches.

I am learning about myself. That's one of the reasons why I wanted to make this move in the first place, personally, because I wanted to shake things up and keep learning. What I'm learning is that I swallow events instead of dealing with them. And when you swallow a big move, a job transition, and a life transition, at some point your body lets you know.

How many of you out there are going, DUH, she swallows things, and this big revelation was worth a $20 copay?? Sometimes learning about yourself is painful. Gimme a break, I'm frazzled.

In my case, at least I am doing tidy things that I am forgetting about. I could be pooping in the corner like the cats do when they're stressed out. So I am finally looking at the bright side of all this. And continuing to talk about the root of the frazzled. (Plus the drugs are helping.)

IT'S A BLUR

Ohmygosh it's MAY 26!!! What the heck happened to this month??? All right, you guys are due a BIG update. It's not going to make a lot of chronological sense because I really don't know what happened in what order anymore.

Sarah and I went to surf camp with the Girl Scouts. (see separate post)

We also went to a puberty seminar (yes indeedy, friends). (see separate post)

Don got a J-O-B and started Monday! He is working part time for a company called Education Systems -- I will give you a guess at what they do, I know it might be hard to tell from the name. He's a software developer for them. Many of their employees are 100% virtual... so over time, he can do his job from the house. But if he has to go in, they're just down in La Jolla, so it's not too bad.

He also had his colonoscopy finally (see June 6, 2006 post) -- he was so loopy from the anaesthetic that I practically had to club him over the head on the drive home. Everything's fine now (back to usual level of loopiness).

We pitched 10,000 new accounts. Well not that many, but still, a lot. We shoo'd Chiat Day (of Apple and adidas advertising fame) off of our TaylorMade account for good. Press articles are up huge. And we hired a bunch of people and are interviewing a bunch more, we had a couple people QUIT (idiots), we have lease issues... partner issues... client contract negotiations... got fired by the Mile of Cars (and there was much rejoicing). And my office fish died.

Went to Becca's spring recital - where the teachers had the kids singing songs from "Annie". It's really superweird to hear Becca have to sing lyrics like "no one cares for you a smidge/when you're in an orphanage!"

Little Orphan Becca: why am I not amused?

Had a visit from my Aunt Nancy - Becca is a huge fan now. Went to a bunch of social events and parties, some for work and some not - no more wine on weeknights for me and that is ALL I am going to say about it.

Saw a psychiatrist about my fixation on my retainer. (see separate post)

Sarah had a major fight with her best friend... I have yet to sort it all through...

Hopefully next month will be a little more sane!

SOMETHING NEW FOR YOU TO ENJOY

Monday, May 14, 2007

Suave was the last brand I developed before leaving Ogilvy. When I left, my colleagues were at the tail end of testing the strategy - that's the phase before creatives start really working, where they make sure the strategy's really going to make money. So I was excited to see the creative.

http://adage.com/video/Player?spotId=1041&instanceId=&startId=&PageDate=&PageTitle

Even at the time it was only words on paper, we knew we had something really truthful because whenever we would review the strategy with moms inside Unilever (the client company who makes Suave), they would start crying. Because it hits a bittersweet nerve about motherhood: all of a sudden, you're dead last on the priority list, and it starts to show.

The strategy was "For all moms undergoing the joyous thrashing of early motherhood, Suave wants you to know: if you've let yourself go, you can get yourself back."

Even the copywriters couldn't beat it!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Last night Becca said she wanted to be a cowgirl. By this she means, she wants to train cows.

Where does she come up with this stuff?

IT REALLY IS GOOD

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

We are just really and completely slammed at work. It's at that terrifying good frustrating overwhelming moment where there is so much interest in the company and yet so much growth within current clients that we can't interview for fear of not making deadlines!

Here's some of the fun current stuff.

This one got written up in every publication on earth it seemed -- from advertising publications to golf publications to USA Today, Wall Street Journal! And 65,000 views and climbing on YouTube. Why? Because CBS would not run the commercial because John Daly is driving a golf cart and holding a beer. What is this, the 19th century? Are they kidding?

Here's another fun one:

http://ilovemyjobandineverwanttoleave.com/

Since the first of the year, we have won 3 pieces of business, we're currently in 7 pitches with others that we know about in the wings, and have launched over 20 campaigns. I am not sure how 30-odd people continue to do this. But looking at it, this is a growth period! It's exciting! Beats the altenative! And we have some really good stuff out there.

9 OUT OF 10 MOMS AGREED...

Sunday, May 06, 2007

I play BUNCO once a month with some women who live in my friend Joan's old neighborhood. I shared my retainer story with them and they mostly agreed that I was going crazy. In the way that they are all going crazy: when you have a lot of stress and life balance issues, it's those little things in life that have a way of escaping. Totally.

Judy misplaced an entire box of wine glasses. BIG! Not like a retainer. She found them underneath her guest bed. She reasoned, she must have put them there so she had easier access to them than she would if she put them into her storage unit in the upstairs area, because she did remember having that thought at some point. But she could not recall actually putting them there. Know what her attitude was? OH WELL!!!

Everyone had at least one story like this. They called it "mommy brain." They looked at me in a comforting way, and told me that what was crazy was not accepting it... pushing it off on some poor dead Native American.

DON SLEEPING IN SARAH'S BED

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Scared of Kumeyaay Indian ghosts. Note to self: do not discuss these sorts of things near bedtime anymore.

ANOTHER STRESSOR

Our tupperware lids do not fit any of the bottoms. How does that sort of thing happen?

DO WE HAVE COMPANY?

I am just not going to let this retainer thing go. I know I should just be happy that it's back. But it is really super weird that I remember nothing about its return.

Did some digging on our property and found that some archaeological studies had been done on it in the late 90s, when it was called the Shelley property (OK that's also weird). Because some people named Shelley owned it. They were cattle people.

And what did I find out? The area was inhabited by the Kumeyaay Indians as a temporary camp over a span of hundreds of years. Maybe some of them are still hanging around?