THE BABYSITTER PARADE

Saturday, January 06, 2007

It is hard to have an adult conversation in our house. First of all, the children suck up all available air space. Here's how it usually goes.

"Don, I meant to tell you - "

"Mommy, Sarah took my doll."

"Becca, you're interrupting."

"Sorry Moooom but she took my dooooll."

(10 minutes later after the Doll Dispute has been settled) "Damn it. What was I saying?!"

And, I am not home a whole heck of a lot. So we have some of our more meaningful adult conversations on the phone and over email. I remember a time (vaguely) when we would go out and see movies and talk and shop and walk around. This was 10 years ago, but I do remember it.

It's not that we don't go out. It's just that we haven't gone out in... a long time. Like unto a mammal's gestational period. Clearly we need a good babysitter.

My friend Michele (who's from Philly originally) commented that back home, people guarded babysitter names like family secrets. Here people are overflowing and will give you their babysitter's names, even if you are a casual acquaintance. So we did have a little informal list of names to start with. The teenager down the street, and lots of other people's tried-and-true teenagers.

As New Years Eve approached -- with a beautifully printed invitation on the counter -- I started down the list. No luck! Nobody even calling me back! I found a babysitter finally, who was going to bring her own 4-year-old kid with her. Not optimal, but fiiiine really. Actually, Becca liked the kid and promptly started dressing her up in dress-up clothes upon our first meeting.

And then this chick calls me up and cancels ON NEW YEARS EVE. Very uncool. She just didn't think her daughter and Becca were "a good match." What is this?! It's not a play date, for heaven's sake. So we spent a quiet evening at home with the kids and the dogs and a fire. Like the past 9 New Years Eves actually!

Not that it wasn't nice, it was nice. But I think in the past 9 years since Sarah was born, I guess Don and I have been out maybe 25 times. (Don guessed 3, but that's because his mind core-dumps all data that's over 2 years old.) Don has spent maybe 10 nights away from the kids in all that time. I'm afraid for us. Are other couples this way?

Fearing I would never speak with my husband in a full paragraph until our kids were in college, I went on a mission. A mission to find motivated, good babysitters who would call us back and actually show up, without any children with them, to take care of my children. And sometimes even overnight. And maybe even house-sit and pet-sit while we go on vacation. Because when I overdo something, I really overdo it.

We interviewed a dozen sitters. And now I have 5 numbers programmed into my phone. And extra names I can call later in case we burn out all 12. I am lousy with babysitters. And I feel liberated even though I have no idea what to do next.

Here are some things that every babysitter says in an interview:

• I have been babysitting since -- oh gosh I don't even remember!
• I love children.
• Your girls are so sweet. (one of them even said this while Becca was mercilessly beating Sarah with a looseleaf binder)

The question that separates the wheat from the chaff: what would you do if one of the kids drank a half-bottle of Motrin? (an appropriate answer would be call 911 or call you parents... an inappropriate response is looking worried and pale and asking why?! could that happen?!)

The way Becca gauges a good babysitter candidate "Hi. I love you. Can I have cookies?"

Sarah's measure: can I stay up until Mom & Dad get home?

So now we have to figure out some places to go...