SOMEONE IS GONNA GET IT

Monday, February 01, 2010

It's February. THAT IS COMPLETELY MESSED UP. Do you sometimes feel you are in a time warp and you have missed like a week or 2?

Anyway, usually I feel like that. Only sometimes when I am with my kids, I feel like time is standing still and their awfulness to each other is going to suck up the earth. For some reason, they are fighting a lot lately.

It's a territory thing. Sarah has always been somewhat territorial. She could completely reject a toy, or call it babyish, or never ever play with it, but the MINUTE Becca picks it up... "That's mine! Mom, she has my thingie!"

Over time, Becca has wised up to this behavior. She has learned that you don't just grab something of Sarah's (or that used to be Sarah's, or that could possibly at one time have been Sarah's, or that is even suspected of having been Sarah's) in plain view. You have to be Covert. This causes its own set of problems...

"Becca, what's that in your pocket?"

"What pocket?"

"That hole in your pants. On the side. The one that looks a lot like the hole in the other side. But the one on the right. If there's nothing in there, we're taking you to the emergency room, because you have a large tumor on you hip."

"Ohhhh. Well, nothing really."

"Becca."

"OK OK it's a yoyo! But it's not Sarah's, it just has an S on it! That doesn't mean anything! Anyone could have an S on their yoyo! It's just a letter! Like any other letter! It was in the toy box! In the bottom! It's been there for a long long time!"

Uh huh.

They argue mercilessly over Monopoly. I guess there really is a lot to argue about on that one.

• Who gets to be the purse dog?
• Did that role of the dice actually count?
• I called Wrigley Field. You can't buy it, I called it.

And then Becca says, "Hey, we're having a family night!" Oh joy. I don't think this is what Milton Bradley had in mind. In fact if there was a real guy named Milton Bradley, he is somewhere, shaking his head.

It's really not fun at all. As they get older, I find I'm having more and more trouble breaking it up. So sometimes I confess that I have to revert to the phrase that is the title of this post. I will tell you right now that I don't know what "it" is. But you don't want to get it. It's bad. It's painful. It's humiliating.

That's pretty much what I have left: the ability to instill fear of the unknown. I am trying to figure out what's next, because I know it's on borrowed time. Any suggestions, let me know.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

That's all.

PROOF THAT ALIENS DID LAND IN ROSWELL

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Hi guys. Did you know being president of a company is a vacuum for the rest of life? Jeez I didn't know that somehow.

Anyway, when I am trying to live some semblence of life, I am usually at an ice arena. I thought I would share Sarah's performance from yesterday. People actually paid to see this one. We paid too, for entry fees and the costume. Now THAT is a good commercial enterprise - the workers pay you and so do the customers! I wanna see a balance sheet!



This is a particularly sucky video. It made me think about the act of filming.

When you are filming something like this, you are also trying to watch it. Wanting to watch > wanting to make a good film. So you get shakiness, not too much clarity. I'm hoping that the professionally shot video which comes in January, will be better. Because for them making a good film > watching the kids.

It made me think about Roswell. How could they have POSSIBLY made a good film? Finding alien life is so mind-blowing, the filming was probably secondary to the experiencing.

So there you have it. Sarah's holiday performance tape proves that there were aliens in Area 51. I will now take questions from the media.

Here's something from the show with not a lot of actual ice skating, but pretty entertaining.

HE'S THE MAN!

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

This is hilarious. Describes the pants wearing over here, too.