GRADE SCHOOL: THE DRAMA

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Look at these wonderful and sweet children. Are they not angelic and adorable to the core? Are they not ready to face the challenges of a new school year, neat as a pin?

OK... so here's the backstory.

4 a.m. Saturday morning. I awaken with a start to find 2 eyes peeping at me by my side of the bed. It's Becca. She is fully dressed.

"Is today kindergarten?"

"Umph. No. Today is Saturday."

"When is kindergarten?"

"Monday. That's in 2 days."

"But I want it to be nooooooowwwwww."

"Becca. We could go to school now. But it's dark. It's the middle of the night. And plus, it's a weekend. Nobody goes to school on the weekend. And, the school year does not even start till Monday."

She begrudgingly goes back to bed. It's 5 a.m. and well, I'm awake now, welcome to Saturday morning.

8 a.m. The kiddies are stirring. It's going to be a relatively warm day in San Diego and I want them to throw on some of their fall clothes to see if they still fit, before they start complaining it's too hot and sticky to do this. Heaps start getting created for Goodwill, hand-me-downs, the tailor... suddenly there are lots of empty drawers and mounds of clothes everyplace.

10 a.m. I ask Don to take the girls to their swim lessons so I can find the floor again.

10:30 a.m. I am alone in the house... for the first time since we moved into it? Wow this is great! I love this place! Put on the iPod and enjoy my folding and organizing in peace. Gizmo is keeping me company.

11:45 a.m. The kids are back, but I'm a happy and fortified person! In just an hour and fifteen minutes, I've gotten the clothes all organized, made a shopping list of clothing and school supplies, found all my coupons, addressed thank-you notes, done some work, made a few phone calls, showered! Wee-hee! Damn I'm good.

1 p.m. Lunch is over with, Don and Becca are settled into their afternoon work (mowing, walking the dogs, reading, arguing) and Sarah and I are off to tackle shopping for her clothes. Sarah is in need of everything. She has grown out of everything she owns except for her underwear and a few shirts. Her body is changing... she's taller, thinner in some places and fuller in others, and her feet are bloody enormous.

2 p.m. Sarah and I are at Old Navy. Jeans aren't fitting, but we are finding some cute things. This won't be so bad after all.

3 p.m. We have tried on 14 pairs of jeans and nothing works. Sarah's giving me the evil eye whenever I hand her a new pair to try. We're somewhat resigning ourselves to just buy skirts for this year.

5 p.m. We're at Limited Too, where the prices seem to have gone through some sort of rampant European style inflation. Finally a pair of jeans that FIT! I talk to Sarah about her need for a camisole or a training bra or some such thing... tears, accusations that I want her to grow up too quickly, major protesting. After 20 minutes of hysteria, she agrees to wear camisoles with shelf bras. She's satisfied. I'm exhausted.

6 p.m. OK I need to leave the friggin' Limited Too before I stab someone with a hanger. I hate Hanna Montana. I hate the cheerleaders at the checkout. Thank God for the 25% off coupon.

6:45 p.m. I'm at home. My feet are now bloody enormous. The dogs stare at me sympathetically.

We take the kids out to dinner. They of course MUST wear some of their new clothes, which they promptly stain with their dinners. No problem. I love doing the wash after 5 hours of mostly unfruitful shopping.

9 p.m. I'm sitting alone in the dark in a stupor in the living room. Gizmo is keeping me company, as if to say, "remember your happy place...."

4 a.m. Sunday morning. Here's Becca.

"Is it Monday?"

"Hmphg. No."

"But I want to go to kindergarten, Moooom!"

"Becca, kindergarten's tomorrow."

She's at least back in bed by 4:15 this time, and I'm so wiped out that I am able to fall back to sleep.

8 a.m. Today I have to take both kids for their school shoes. They are arguing already. I am thinking I should have a cocktail for breakfast.

They go to swim lessons, have lunch. Now I'm Bracing For It.

Sarah goes to put on one of her new outfits from Limited Too. One that fit perfectly and she loved immensely the day before.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"Sarah? What's the matter?"

STOMP STOMP STOMP "What's the MATTER is that these SHORTS don't FIT ME ANYMORE!?!?!?"

"Sarah, how can this be, we just bought them yesterday."

"I know" (tears are spurting sideways as if from an in-ground sprinkler) "but today the legs are so TIGHT and the waist is TOO BIG and it feels like they are going to FALL DOWN."

"If the legs are tight, then they won't fall past your thighs, so you'll be ok."

This was not a very good thing to have said, I learned.

What ensued could only be called a Clothing Freakout. There was pacing and loud talking and wailing and pulling and tugging. There has not been a Clothing Freakout of this magnitude, I believe, since I was in the 7th grade and my friend Melissa beat the snot out of a boy at middle school for making fun of her red overalls.

This is where my dear husband can be so useful sometimes. "Sarah, your body changes all the time. Everyone's does. That even happens to me. Some days some clothes feel better than others. Why don't you put on another pair, and try that one some other day."

And she did. And it worked. And so off we went.

With every other parent on the planet who waited till the day before school started to get school supplies. You would think that I was stupid for doing this, but we only got the lists on the Friday before, so not much one can do. Lines lines lines. Becca is not good with lines. Here are some of the things she asked/told the adults who were standing in front of us in various lines.

"Hey I like your hair! How did it get that color? It matches my shoes."

"Hey, do you know my name? I know your name! It's Poopycaca."

"Can I have a sip of your diet coke?"

"Why is your nose all crinkly like that?"

"Tomorrow is when I wake up next. And it will be kindergarten."

It was one of those days, too, when you just can't get anything on your list accomplished quickly. The store has this shoe, but not that shoe, so you have to go to a 2nd store. Target is sold out of clipboards, so you have to go to OfficeMax.

At the end of the day, it all got done. Everyone had a backpack, everyone had a lunch box, and everyone was happy.

I am still vibrating.