ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE ME NAKED, JUST SHOW UP AROUND 7 A.M.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

(Believe me, it is no thrill, so don't all come at once.)

OK so that title is a little bit of a stretch. But I will say that this morning - not unlike pretty much any morning - I had to endure every member of our family, no matter what species, visiting me as I showered and got dressed.

The biggest issue is that here in California, builders don't necessarily believe in putting doors on the master bathroom. This allows you to see the fireplace or rock garden or fountain or whatever the hell else you have in the bathroom, because of course where else would those things be. Except at our house, we don't have any of those things, but also for some reason no door.

There is a door on the little claustrophobic toilet room, a door on the closet, and a door leading from the bedroom part to the hall. But no actual door between the bedroom and bathroom.

Our shower is also 100% glass.

So unless you are willing to shut the entire master suite off in order to take a shower (which as I type this does not sound that unreasonable but for some reason it kind of does in the morning), you risk the Public Viewing.

Becca was first. She wandered in with her hair sticking up every which-way, asking if she could shower with me. Anything involving water, she's up for. I usually let her because that way, I know she isn't doing science experiments on the cats.

After my lovely shower with Becca, as I was drying myself off, Sarah came in to ask me questions about the cupcakes that I made last night in a state of irrationality and packing and laundry and other domestic chores. Did she even bother to knock on the wall where a door might be? No. Because when Mom is naked, it's a perfect time to come talk about snacks.

I was at least in my underwear when Don came in. He actually had to use the bathroom. We do have 4 other toilets in the house. I guess certain toilets have a kind of good luck magic to them or something?

Gizmo was sleeping in the sink most of this time. My sink. Yes the one where I have to brush my teeth. Oakley was sleeping on my shirts. The dogs came into lap up any drippy bath water.

I'm at work now and I'm going to use the rest room. It is a public rest room and I will probably be the only one in there. Ah the irony.

MASTER HEALER OF THE UNIVERSE

Saturday, July 28, 2007

tell me What Ails You, my child
(and I will pull your hair so that you forget about That Thing)

When I was in Sedona a couple weeks ago, I forgot to tell you all, one night as entertainment they brought in a palm reader.

I told her I would like to start taking better care of myself and she advised me to stop showering in tap water right away. So I have been showering in Diet Coke. I'm not sure it's helping.

She told me that Don has "cycles" and that I need to chart his moods on a lunar map. Yes I am getting right on top of that.

She also said that Becca is very powerful and a master healer of the universe. I find this very dubious, unless the world really needs to be rid of all its snails, Archie did something in a past life to deserve having his ears pulled, and Sarah will be made better by having her headbands stolen.

I told her I would like Becca to be the master wiper after bathroom use... but she was not humored. I don't think you can ask the divine spirit for something that big.

As for Sarah, she said that Sarah is okay wherever she goes as long as there is someone or something to be in charge of. Lucky guess? I'm still showering in Diet Coke, just in case...

IF YOU EVER WANT A NEW HOUSE

Friday, July 27, 2007

... get your carpets cleaned. I tell you it is AWESOME. I can sit in the bedroom and stare at the carpet and convince myself that we have no children or pets for about 2 minutes. TRY IT.

PERFECT HUMOR FOR 9-YEAR-OLDS

Wednesday, July 25, 2007



The best line: "All right, FINE. I'll go into the freakin' candy cave. This had better be good."

(And, this has been viewed by over 11 million people!!)

CHOMP!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

So it's now the 3rd time one of us has to pick Becca up from camp for biting.

The first time, she wanted to play with a little boy and he said no. The second time, she was horsing around with a counselor during lunch and took things too far. The third time (today) she bit a big kid who picked her up and she didn't want to be picked up.

Hopefully this phase won't last long...

PORTRAIT OF THE WEST

Monday, July 16, 2007

I am at a conference in Sedona, and tonight for entertainment they brought in an award-winning Cherokee dancer. He spun like 42 hoops on his feet. Here is a video of him or a reasonable facimile thereof. I am not sure what to tell you about the music... you will either find it entrancing, or feel like tracking this person down and smacking them in the face.

A YEAR AGO, WE MOVED

Sunday, July 15, 2007

It's hard to believe that a year ago, we were moving our stuff from our little apartment in Carmel Valley into our house! Baking in the hot sun and wondering where we packed our forks!

WE ARE GROWING FRUIT IN OUR SPARE TIME!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

There are there 2 trees that are growing in the little pathway near our service entrance. They aren't in plain view because it's that area of the house where we keep the bikes and the garbage cans and it's just a really slim walkway leading to noplace. The trees are nice enough (they look like the one pictured above - purple leaves and they flower in the spring), but they don't cross anyone's mind very often. I don't know what kind of trees I thought they were... except they were healthy and were a nice privacy screen.

Anyway, today we discovered that they are actually cherry plum trees! The kind that no doubt, Jack Horner pulled out of his mythical pie. Becca, having harvested many an apple in her day, was all over this and we picked about 30 plums off the trees this morning.

We're living in California and we are growing fruit!




SPOILED PETS

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Archie has a "reverse cough". He needs to be hugged and given Benadryl children's formula.

Oakley has had a battery of tests to see why he is losing weight. He is 17 years old and creeps around.

All of this costs more than our mortgage.

At least we are not THIS crazy.

ONE PERFECT DAY

Friday, July 06, 2007

(Turn up your speakers!)

4th of July was a wacky holiday in some ways because it fell smack in the middle of the week. Which means we crammed a week's worth of work into Monday and Tuesday because so many of our clients and employees were smart enough to be taking off Thursday and Friday... took a day off on Wednesday... and then worked frantically and short staffed for 2 more days.


Music: Velvet06 by Daniel Goodwin

Still, we made the most of it. Our neighborhood had a little parade - 100 kids came out of the woodwork with their scooters, bikes, dogs, and parents, all of whom had to endure crepe paper pasted onto them, and we marched around the block after the Encinitas fire truck. Becca made friends with our new neighbor and their daughter Olivia who is also 5 (but could eat cake off Becca's head). The kids had fun exploring the fire truck and recounting Becca's adventure to the ER in it. Then there were sack races, and water balloons, and much more merriment. Don found out that "being an HOA board member" actually means "filling water balloons at the 4th of July Parade". I locked myself out of the house. And many other fun things.

Then we joined friends at a progressive pool party... meaning we went from house to house hopping in swimming pools. The first house had appetizers, the 2nd house did dinner, and so on, until we landed at the last one where there was a view of fireworks. Or maybe a wildfire. Ah, whatever, it was nice.

We were reminded that while our lives are rich, our neighbors are filthy rich. I will not describe the ostentatious display of food, drink, or private property that made up the day, as it would be long and boring for you and depressing as hell for me. I will say that perhaps the topper was the hand carved Mexican mahogany GARAGE DOORS. Yes friends, art exposed to the elements (such as they are here in San Diego). We retreated to our overpriced California hovel wondering why I am in advertising and not commercial real estate.

And I have to say that the entire day felt like living in a little bubble floating through the universe, far away from the global warming or the immense poverty of Siberia or the war we are in that nobody's talking about anymore. As the mylar balloons floated past in the parade and the 73 degree breeze pushed them along, I felt a little guilty for this idyllic day. It was one for the books.

LEPROCY

Thursday, July 05, 2007

I am suffering from some mysterious fungus. I'm horrible. Don't look at me.

(For my mother: Yes I did go to the doctor. Yes I got medication. It is stinky but I am using it.)