BACKSLIDE

Sunday, May 07, 2006

It seems the more we get settled on the surface, the more unsettled we can feel underneath.

Last night, when I was tucking Becca into her bed, she said, "Mommy, I miss my Lisle bed." Poor little pumpkin. Everything that mattered to her has changed. It's really insane just how many things have completely changed. Sometimes it's like living someone else's life... we are driving around in the same cars and wearing the same clothes and walking the same dogs. But everything else in the immediate universe is different. Strange. Foreign.

Eventually these feelings will go away. But for now, they wake us in the night. We wonder if we will ever truly love it here. We are starting to miss it Back There. Sarah said she missed snowmen the other day. She even looked confused while she was saying it, because even Back There the snowmen have all melted this time of year. She just knows she feels out of place here in Paradise.

The out of place feelings come with guilt... why? Better schools, better climate, the promise of a better life (once we get out of the apartment and such). How can you be unhappy when you have it all?

It's going to take time. For now, we'll have to live with those loose ended emotions.