CAN WE JUST FREEZE HER THIS WAY?

Saturday, April 21, 2007

This morning, I was helping the kids get dressed, and darned if I didn't smell some old socks lurking somewhere in the bathroom. Gross. I went to search them out, and I didn't find any, but whenever I went near Sarah, the stink got stronger. I thought maybe she put on a favorite pair of pants that had not been washed... sometimes she does that, pulls something out of the dirty clothes, which creeps me out. So I smell-searched her.

And it was her PITS. The child now has smelly sweat.

On top of the fact that 3 weeks ago, I naired her legs. I figured it was dark baby hair, and I wanted to get rid of it to avoid the 4th grade tease factor that comes with spring and the appearance of capri pants. I reasoned, the hair would not return until she was ready to reach puberty.

Guess what... it's coming baaaaaaaack.

I am not ready REPEAT NOT READY for all this. Of course, this comes in a long line of Things For Which I Am Not Ready, including taking care of infants, having my mind lose its steel-trapness, and grappling with Becca. I am becoming used to being unprepared...

DAVID KESSLER. 1916 - 2007.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Two days after he turned 91, my grandfather died. I don't know why, but I felt a strong urge to mine all my old photos. I was looking for one in particular.

Along the way to finding it, I found a lot of other things too. It's amazing how detailed the memories can be that come rushing back from decades ago, just from the uncovering of some detail. An old girl scout sash. My Sunday School confirmation paper. Drawings my little sister made for me when she was a toddler. My 4th grade report card (it looks eerily like Sarah's). Sorority photos. Images of my impish little blond brother.

It's this photo that I was searching for:

Although I have known my grandfather for 42 years of my life, it's these early childhood memories that are truly the strongest for me. The smell of pipe tobacco and the fascination of watching him load and smoke it. The silent presence that was never far away whenever we kids were about. Of all of my grandparents, he had such a strong presence. The firm, judgmental, sometimes frustrating patriarch holding court in his dining room over corned beef (always corned beef). The other half of an elegant couple who exuded a quiet grace. The photos of my grandfather as a young Navy man... there were some at my grandmother's house on display, and I remember trying to imagine what he was like newly married, before the crush of kids and responsibility. Maybe he was just a very stalwart person, but he always seemed so physically robust and even until the very end of his life, was not chronically ill or in pain.

My grandfather didn't express a lot of his deeper emotions verbally. It was his eyes that gave him away. With one look he could hug you, or eviscerate you. Sometimes I wonder what he actually acknowledged in this life. I wonder if he fully grasped that my grandmother was a brilliant woman. I wonder if he was a very reflective person.

I know that he was amazed and enthralled by his grandchildren. He found it easier to express his love for us than for his own children, I believe. In taking pride in our accomplishments, I think he was celebrating his own kids in a manner he couldn't find a way to do when he was a parent. He took true delight in knowing what we were up to. He loved and appreciated Don as well... they had a passion for cars in common, and several good and bad personality traits.

My grandpa was also a very flawed person. I remember how he frustrated my grandmother, my mother, my uncle, his in-laws. He didn't have many peers and he allowed a family argument to permanently divide him from his sisters. And he could be very self-righteous. I'm pretty sure most adults found him a very harsh cocktail. I'm glad I knew him as "grandfather," because I got to see part of him that most of the world would be surprised existed. The soft inside beneath the hard shell.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

Monday, April 16, 2007

retainer thieves

OK so last couple weeks were Spring Break for the kids. The house, the schedules were upside down due to camps and sleepovers and other Unusual Goings On. Meanwhile, to be fair to myself before I launch into this story, I also had Unusual Stressors. I faced possibly an unprecedented work tsunami. I think I worked 80 hours for 2 weeks straight. Had house guests. Had Passover. Realized I didn't have enough spring tops. Went on a whirlwind business trip to Jersey. My grandfather entered hospice care, and has just a few weeks to live now.

Anyway. A few weeks ago, I woke up in the morning and put my night guard in the sink as usual. Did a couple of morning routiney things, and then went back to clean the night guard and store it. It was gone. Having cats and children, I was ticked, but thought it would surely show back up. I questioned Becca, but she told me 5 different stories about the night guard. Plus she's short and can't reach into the sink without climbing, which I didn't catch her doing, so I doubt she took it.

Don and I looked all over for that thing. We looked in the storage container again, and all over the house. Nada.

When you're used to sleeping with a night guard, sleeping without it is no good. You grind your teeth and get headaches.

Esther came and went and she didn't find it during her house cleaning. So I decided to order another night guard. Meanwhile we're between dentists -- another stressor! -- so I ordered a cheapo one over the Internet to tide me over.

It arrived and I slept with it for a night. When I went to put it away in its case, I thought, might as well throw out the old case, I won't be needing that anymore. And guess what!?! The old night guard was inside.

I guess I would not have thought much of it if we had not turned the house upside down looking for it. But we did. So SOMEONE put that thing back in the case. It wasn't Sarah because she announces everything she does all the time and that wasn't part of the lineup. I accused Don of finding it and trying to play a prank on me by putting it in the case and not mentioning it, but he didn't do it apparently. I questioned Becca, but she told me 5 different stories (again!) about the night guard.

So there are a couple possible explanations now, neither of which I feel real good about.

• I am losing my grip on reality and actually found the night guard myself and put it back in its case and don't remember doing it.


• There are precocious ghosts playing pranks on me.

Actually I only thought of the former, and am now wondering what else I have edited out of reality. My workmate Karissa thought of the 2nd one, which is making me feel somewhat better. Still it freaked me out for the whole day on Sunday.

THE ULTIMATE TOY

Friday, April 13, 2007

Sarah has a friend over for a sleepover, and the kids have decided that Becca is more fun to play with than all the toys in the house. Added benefit: we don't need to clean the floor this week.