LIFE PART 2

CAL STATE GAMES

2010-03-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

Since the Winter Classic, someone has been adjusting her routines and getting in a lot more meaningful practice. It paid off yesterday with Gold medal and a Silver! Here are the performances - this qualifies Sarah to participate in the State Games of American in 2011!

Bronze program (awarded Gold)
What's different from last month: a lot of harder elements were added (double jumps, for example) and repeat elements were added because the judges evaluate using the best element performed if one is repeated.

Freestyle 1 program (awarded Silver)
What's different from last month: just a cleaner skate, elements are sharper and more defined. She did rush off her ending though.

I think it's hilarious that she is trying to SMILE during the performances - must be a coached thing - hard to smile when you are concentrating this hard and it's SO American! Watch the Olympics and you tell me who smiled.

See if you can catch the wardrobe malfunctions - we had 6. I think at least 3 are visible.

ANAHEIM WINTER CLASSIC

2010-02-28T18:49:00.000-08:00

First competition of the season - Sarah jumped up 3 levels from last year and also by checking a wrong box (!) I signed her up for a variable competition that allows her to compete with people even more skilled.

Not posting this to Facebook as she felt she did not do her best. Yet she took 3rd and 4th respectively. Skaters came from all over the place for this national event - even Canada and Mexico.

Next month: Cal State Games. Go Sarah!

FreeStyle 1 program

Bronze program (the hard one)

MEDAL OF HONOR

2010-02-28T17:26:00.000-08:00

Last week, Rebecca got a "gold medal" in reading - well, she and everyone else who read over 2,000 minutes during the fall. I think we stopped counting after 3,500. Anyway, she was darned proud of herself. Read on, little Beccins, read on.

SOMEONE IS GONNA GET IT

2010-02-01T20:43:00.002-08:00

It's February. THAT IS COMPLETELY MESSED UP. Do you sometimes feel you are in a time warp and you have missed like a week or 2?

Anyway, usually I feel like that. Only sometimes when I am with my kids, I feel like time is standing still and their awfulness to each other is going to suck up the earth. For some reason, they are fighting a lot lately.

It's a territory thing. Sarah has always been somewhat territorial. She could completely reject a toy, or call it babyish, or never ever play with it, but the MINUTE Becca picks it up... "That's mine! Mom, she has my thingie!"

Over time, Becca has wised up to this behavior. She has learned that you don't just grab something of Sarah's (or that used to be Sarah's, or that could possibly at one time have been Sarah's, or that is even suspected of having been Sarah's) in plain view. You have to be Covert. This causes its own set of problems...

"Becca, what's that in your pocket?"

"What pocket?"

"That hole in your pants. On the side. The one that looks a lot like the hole in the other side. But the one on the right. If there's nothing in there, we're taking you to the emergency room, because you have a large tumor on you hip."

"Ohhhh. Well, nothing really."

"Becca."

"OK OK it's a yoyo! But it's not Sarah's, it just has an S on it! That doesn't mean anything! Anyone could have an S on their yoyo! It's just a letter! Like any other letter! It was in the toy box! In the bottom! It's been there for a long long time!"

Uh huh.

They argue mercilessly over Monopoly. I guess there really is a lot to argue about on that one.

Who gets to be the purse dog?
Did that role of the dice actually count?
I called Wrigley Field. You can't buy it, I called it.

And then Becca says, "Hey, we're having a family night!" Oh joy. I don't think this is what Milton Bradley had in mind. In fact if there was a real guy named Milton Bradley, he is somewhere, shaking his head.

It's really not fun at all. As they get older, I find I'm having more and more trouble breaking it up. So sometimes I confess that I have to revert to the phrase that is the title of this post. I will tell you right now that I don't know what "it" is. But you don't want to get it. It's bad. It's painful. It's humiliating.

That's pretty much what I have left: the ability to instill fear of the unknown. I am trying to figure out what's next, because I know it's on borrowed time. Any suggestions, let me know.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2010-02-01T20:43:00.001-08:00

That's all.

PROOF THAT ALIENS DID LAND IN ROSWELL

2009-12-13T09:09:00.000-08:00

Hi guys. Did you know being president of a company is a vacuum for the rest of life? Jeez I didn't know that somehow.

Anyway, when I am trying to live some semblence of life, I am usually at an ice arena. I thought I would share Sarah's performance from yesterday. People actually paid to see this one. We paid too, for entry fees and the costume. Now THAT is a good commercial enterprise - the workers pay you and so do the customers! I wanna see a balance sheet!

This is a particularly sucky video. It made me think about the act of filming.

When you are filming something like this, you are also trying to watch it. Wanting to watch > wanting to make a good film. So you get shakiness, not too much clarity. I'm hoping that the professionally shot video which comes in January, will be better. Because for them making a good film > watching the kids.

It made me think about Roswell. How could they have POSSIBLY made a good film? Finding alien life is so mind-blowing, the filming was probably secondary to the experiencing.

So there you have it. Sarah's holiday performance tape proves that there were aliens in Area 51. I will now take questions from the media.

Here's something from the show with not a lot of actual ice skating, but pretty entertaining.

HE'S THE MAN!

2009-10-06T20:39:00.000-07:00

This is hilarious. Describes the pants wearing over here, too.

WILD THING

2009-10-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

"Where the Wild Things Are" hits theaters on October 16. But you can view Becca's 1st grade class performing the story - this is from fall of last year!

It's hilarious - to save time, skip to 4:49, where you can see the Wild Things dancing their wild rumpus to Wild Thing. It's more entertaining than what you were doing 5 minutes ago, I'm pretty sure.

BENDY

2009-10-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

Today's Saturday, and usually Becca has gymnastics. But today she is on a campout.

Still, it seemed fitting to share a snapshot from Becca's class with you. This should not be a surprise to those of you who knew Becca from her baby years, when she would flip gleefully over the back of a toddler chair, scaring the devil out of anyone who didn't know she could land it. She would flip herself out of her crib. She would do pushups with one hand on her car seat and one hand on the car door.

Needless to say, these household gymnastics were irritating for us parents. So eventually we fetched our checkbooks so she could do these same tricks in on gym equipment.

Is anyone losing the thread of logic with this?

Anyway, now she can do the splits, land a backbend from a handstand, and climb a rope all the way up to the warehouse-sized ceiling. Okay then. All I know is that if you ever see me in the position depicted here, please call 911. Because it is not going to end well.

Well. I guess I could strike this pose. But you would not be able to see my ribcage.

NEW YEAR BUT SAME OLD SAME OLD

2009-09-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

If you're Jewish, happy 5770!

If not, you can take this opportunity to consider yourself an honorary Jew. Because the turning of a new year is the turning over of a fresh page, and who couldn't use one of those right about now?

Well... except our pets. Below is a compilation of shots from this year, but really, same thing happens every day.

AMUSEMENT PARKS IN THE OFF SEASON

2009-09-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

I remember when we lived in Illinois, we had no choice but to visit Disneyland or the other major theme parks just in time for everyone else on the planet to visit them. Otherwise known as "the season."

But now we live 15 minutes from Legoland. And we can visit in the coveted off season.

Recently when we went, the park was so empty (HOW EMPTY WAS IT???) that Sarah and Becca rode the Coastersaurus ride 23 times.

It was so empty that the kid working the ride just kept sending the coaster through the starting gate with all the people still on it, over and over!

They started to actually time the camera taking photos of riders so that they could make funny faces at it, instead of it catching them in a more "natural," screaming-at-the-coaster-dips pose.

Is it better to have to wait an hour, the anticipation building for the 1 time you get to cherish the coaster? Or ride it till you know exactly when to smile for the camera? I'm not sure. I am a fan or anticipation and all. Still, as a kid, I think I would have preferred the 23x option.

FALL IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

2009-09-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

It's the first day of fall! I have lived here long enough to be able to recognize the subtle signs of fall here in California. Because it was in the 80s, so it ain't the temps. And it's only going to get... hotter!

You know it's fall in Southern California when:

You start getting notices from new teachers. Mostly asking for donations because the classrooms are resource-poor.
2 of the trees on your block lose their leaves. In our case, it's the 2 plum trees in our yard. Figures.
People start to break out the Ugg boots. Despite the 80+ degree temps.
There are a bunch of Oktoberfests popping up all over. With a "k".
Christmas decor hits the stores.
You start to discuss where you'd like to go when you get evacuated during a wildfire.

Ahhh fall. Love the change in seasons.

I LIKE YOU, OLIVIA

2009-09-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

First they hated each other. Then one day, Olivia made a friend list and Becca was on it! From that moment, Olivia and Becca have been best friends. It is not any more logical than that.

Becca cracks Olivia up with her fake dinosaur roaring - it's just like a best friend to adore something that annoys just about everyone else on the planet. And Becca loves going to cheer Olivia on at her soccer games. She even loves to eat whatever it is Olivia eats.

This friendship is part of what we now cherish about Becca. And an unexpected byproduct is becoming close to the whole Yun family. Thanks Becca and Olivia!

HOLY CRABCAKES, IT'S SEPTEMBER 19!

2009-09-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

Six months ago, I posted Sarah's very first ice skating competition! Holy smokes.

I'm getting back on the blog, so anything from March 11 forward, I have shamelessly posted now, just to give you a sense of chronology. I always have you in mind.

So why the 6-month blackout? Part of the reason is that facebook has provided an outlet for the daily thoughts and quick on-the-go snapshots of life.

The other part of the reason is that on February 14, I became the president of NYCA! For those of you who ever thought the president of your company had an easier job than you (or that you could do it better than he/she), I can assure you: he/she did not, and most likely you can't. It's been like having a 3rd baby. At this point, the baby is at least sleeping through the night and squirming. Healthy as hell and going to grow up just fine! So I can get back to life.

I wonder what you have been reading lo these many months...

SARAH - MY HERO

2009-07-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

Don't you ever wonder how birds can hearlessly and abruptly shove the baby birds out of the nest? What if they don't fly? What if they aren't ready? But yet, grown birds instinctively eject their young, and the offspring instinctively take flight.

We human beings aren't so deft in our management of our kids. In fact, I would postulate that the more educated and more prepared we and our kids are... the more afraid we are to toss them out of the nest. Funny that.

Until 6th grade camp, Sarah's never spent more than a sleepover night away from us, just a couple of blocks away so we could go and fetch her if she couldn't sleep. Even at 6th grade camp, she knew every face she encountered, so it wasn't so strange to be away.

But this summer, we sent Sarah to camp in Palo Alto for 10 days. We fell in love with the Supercamp program - and no matter how I try and describe this camp to people, it sounds like nerd camp. Even in the video below, it really does look like sitting around and studying.

Sarah wanted to go. Then all of a sudden, she DREADED going. That's when I knew she had to go - to a place without 1 single person she knew, so far away we could never come and rescue her.

Truly, kids say they have a transformative experience at Supercamp. The combination of learning skills, life skills, independence, and social issue exploration is profound for them.

When we retrieved Sarah 10 days later, the same kid that didn't want to go now didn't want to leave - in fact, she bawled her eyes out for half a day. I asked Sarah what she really took away from camp, she thought for a minute and said, "Well, I learned that everyone gets rejected, every day, all the time. So not to dwell on it when someone rejects me. And that if I want to do something, I shouldn't let my fimage get in the way."

(fimage is a camp term for "fear of image." Self-consciousness holds us back from 80% of the experiences that pass us by in life.)

"And I learned how to speed read."

Seriously, I want to go to this camp. And Sarah wants to go back next year - a testament to the positive force they crammed into these kids every minute. After all, there are no swimming pools, horses, TVs, movie theaters, field trips, or other distractions. There are only self explorations.

I read about the Outdoor Adventure Day in the camp materials - the kids don harnesses and walk tightropes. The exercises are meant to help them realize how far they can push themselves. But Sarah is never one to take bodily risk - she still prefers the baby roller coaster. So I figured she would be on the sidelines helping and cheering on her friends - which they totally encourage and don't force anyone.

Anyway, that night I was still awake when the camp posted the daily pictures online (a modern-day phenomenon) at midnight - and I nearly fell out of bed when I saw photos of Sarah! In the harness! Climbing up a 20 foot pole! There was nobody else awake in the house to share this jubilant moment - not even Gizmo. Through the miracle of Facebook, I was able to virtual high five with several Midwestern insomniac friends - I will never forget what I felt in that moment for my baby, for whom I have felt love, anger, fear, disappointment, gratitude, pride, empathy, friendship, and so many other things...

In that moment I added one. Respect.

Music: Hero by Mariah Carey

MIDDLE SCHOOLER

2009-06-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

Today, Sarah graduated grade school. Of course I bawled for no reason at all, pretty much the whole time. I didn't cry on her first day of kindergarten, when she was an itty bitty person with a backpack almost as big as she was, hoisting herself onto a school bus. But somehow when she had to leave grade school behind, that struck a chord. And I'm not really sure why; I like being the parent of older kids so much better than I liked the wee little stages. I enjoy her immensely now, deeply. It touches me that she has become who she is. Maybe that produced the emotions.

Anyway, on to middle school! Where she will be the baby once again, relatively speaking.

SARAH'S 2ND COMPETITION - TAKES 3RD PLACE!

2009-05-20T21:14:00.000-07:00

The video below might not look too much different from the March video post - but the elements are much crisper and Sarah took 3rd at the Open!

Sarah and her coach, Jami

BECCA TURNS 7

2009-03-11T22:05:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Becca's 7th birthday at Disneyland! Because the Disney people are evil genius marketers. They pay for your kid to get in free when it's their birthday. You pay for everyone else in your group to get in, and then you proceed to get your kid anything they want all day. Because it's their birthday!

But who cares. Because it's kind of like a triple birthday. Becca turned 7, and Don and I went through rapid-aging during Becca's 1st grade year. Rarely have their been such alliances for the greater good than exist between Becca's teachers and ourselves. I'm sure someone somewhere in the universe has said the phrase "STOP IT RIGHT NOW" more than we. But we haven't run across them yet.

Anyway, we love her! And now she's 7.

Favorite present: Breyer horses.

Sarah! Get your shoes off the table!

2nd favorite present: dinosaur bones. You have to dig for them in a rock. Causing grains of fake sand all over Mom's kitchen. What's not to love?

Sister love waiting for rides at D-land.

Went on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad 4 times.

Peace y'all.

WATCH SARAH'S FIRST ICE SKATING COMPETITION!

2009-03-08T18:17:00.000-07:00

BUTTERFLIES

2009-03-04T21:41:00.000-08:00

Becca is in a very prolific writing phase - she's starting to write stories. Here's a book she is putting together. It's so good, after she colors the pictures, I might hard bind it. She'll want it later in life.

BUTTERFLIES
Butterflies start as an egg. They hatch in an hour. Then a fuzzy little caterpillar comes out of the egg and starts munching on leaves.
It eats and eats and eats until it is fat! When he has filled his tummy, he starts to make a chrysalis and shuts his eyes and goes to sleep for days and nights.
At day, it hatches from its chrysalis. It's now a butterfly. It has to dry its wings.
It flies around the flowers.
Soon this butterfly will lay eggs.
The eggs will hatch and start all over again.

THE MEANING OF FRIENDSHIP

2009-02-24T15:54:00.000-08:00

Hi there you. Yes, you.

You are reading personal information in a public space. About your friend.

Your friend is someone's niece... someone's daughter... someone's granddaughter... someone's secret crush.

For you to have read information about your friend and threatened your friend to spread rumors about her is not only completely uncool. It's evidence that you are not a very good friend.

I found this poem for you and I hope you can read and understand it. It's about the value of a friend.

Sometimes you only understand the value of a friend after you have lost her. I hope that doesn't happen to you.

Either way, you have taught me something very important: that you are not trustworthy. And so this space will no longer contain information that you can use to hurt anyone else.

A BEST FRIEND
A best friend is always there,whether you need advice,or a pep talk, or even a shoulder to cry on.
A best friend listens with her heart and is always honest with you, even though the truth may not be what you want to hear.
A best friend knows all your secrets, understands your fears, shares your dreams.
A best friend never stops believing in you, even if you give upon yourself.
You are that kind of friend to me.
And no matter what happens, you always will be.
You are my best friend....my forever friend.

By: Renee Duvall

O'REILLY IS DEAD...

2009-02-22T20:36:00.000-08:00

You guys all know this song, right:

O'Reilly is dead and his brother don't know it.
His brother is dead and O'Reilly don't know it.
They both are dead and lying in bed,
And neither one knows that the other is dead.

I used to think - how comforting for them actually. Until today.

While I was wrestling with some purchases for Sarah (the world's pickiest preteen), Don had done all the shopping and was ready to leave Target. I told him - why don't you just go back and load the car, and go somewhere else with Becca while we finish? I took his cell phone and he was to retrieve my cell phone from the car - then we could communicate at will.

Problem was, I was the only one with the car keys. But I didn't know that. I wandered around for hours - trying to call Don and then getting progressively more pissed off because he was ignoring me - then getting worried and wondering what had become of he and Becca.

Meanwhile his cell phone was ringing, but from numbers I didn't recognize. I figured his friends or workmates were trying to get ahold of him, so I let the calls ring through to voice mail. Of course they were Don - trying to call me from other phones because he couldn't get to my cell phone locked in the car.

Eventually, Don and Becca walked home three miles and Sarah and I found the car and drove home. And we each thought we were going to have to call 911 to reporting the other missing!

I don't really know what the moral of this story is. Perhaps it's that cell phones have made us a bit lazy. 20 years ago, parties splitting up would have agreed on a meeting place and time. Perhaps in our house, we ought to go back to that.

TRAUMA FLASHBACK #1

2009-02-22T20:13:00.000-08:00

OK so the first major childhood memory that I was reliving in my spare time (in between wondering if Don and Becca were abducted by aliens, and arguing with Sarah): my first bra fitting.

My mom decided that I needed a bra. I'm not sure how old I was - probably she'll comment on this post (in the process of denying the whole thing) and tell us all. Anyway, do you think she saw this as an opportunity to bond with me? Or at least to leave me in a state of high self esteem? Oh no. She was thinking that the most important thing was to have me measured right.

My mom was rather obsessed with measurement. She tested each of us kids 3 different times for IQ during her PhD study but she never told us how we scored. She also liked to take us to Toby's Stride Rite because Toby really knew how to measure feet. Well, my grandfather was a shoe guy too, so maybe the measuring thing got drummed into hear head in her own past trauma, I don't know.

Anyway, she was thinking that she was not trustworthy to put a tape measure around me and haul me over to JC Penny's in peace, so she took me to a place called Margaret's Corset Shop.

Oh yeah. Margaret's does a brisk business - in fact, it's still there on Maryland in St. Louis.

Margaret's is not really the Victoria's Secret of St. Louis. To my childlike mind - it was like a part of a scary movie. Margaret's had a specialty in mastectomy supply. Yup. The mannequins all looked like this:

And corset isn't Margaret's middle name for nothin'. It made me wonder: oh my God, what the HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME??? If I wasn't terrified of maturing before then, I sure was after getting a load of the merch at Margaret's.

suck it in, baby.

My mother did not even bother to warn me so I walked into the freaky woman body part situation completely cold.

The little bell on the door rang. And out crept a small woman. She hobbled over to us - I swear she was no taller than I was at the time - and my mom told her we were there to get measured for a proper brassiere.

So she led me to a dressing room and pulled the curtain shut. I took off my shirt and she took out her measuring tape. And she had THE COLDEST AND GNARLIEST HANDS KNOWN TO ALL MANKIND. And then said, "oh, you're developing nicely, dear."

Really. And I still grew up kind of ok. One of the bras from that trip was white with a little pink flower in the middle. I liked that one. Hey what can I say - such is the nature of a flashback.

TRAUMA FLASHBACK #2

2009-02-22T20:02:00.000-08:00

As if that were not enough, I had to wear orthopedic shoes as a kid and my dad used to take me to some cobbler's shop down in the middle of nowhere, and the guy was sort of toad-like and on top of that, had oral cancer or something so he used to talk and breathe through a stoma. Here is a picture of a trach tube because any pictures I could find that even resembled this guy's stoma were just so soul-harming.

Anyway, my father did not even bother to warn me so I walked into the stoma cobbler situation completely cold. The whole experience was startling as a kid. As if it were not bad enough to have to wear blue suede reinforced steel saddle shoes.

That, coupled with the whole Margaret's Corset Shop experience, pretty much sealed my fate as a supernerd.

Sarah should kiss my (feet, ass, ring) for taking her to Target, I tell ya.

YOU PEOPLE SHOULD LISTEN TO ME

2009-02-10T18:59:00.000-08:00

I can spot a trend a mile off. Read this, you naysayers.

http://adage.com/article?article_id=134080

MMMMMM. BROUP.

2009-02-08T21:41:00.000-08:00

Today we went to Panera Bread for dinner. We like it. It was named St. Louis Bread Company before, so, like, I'm supposed to eat there...

I think Panera Bread is a little on the feminine side. There are large wall posters that say BUTTER in a scripty french font and things like that. Don never can find anything substantial to eat there. They are always playing some jazz-like flowery crap on the sound system. Even the conversations are girly - today we voted on whether we felt our hair stylist would have a vaginal birth? or a c-section (everyone was unanimous on the vaginal birth BTW).

We girls always get the soup in bread bowls and love it. The best part is when you get down to the bottom of the bread bowl, some of the bread has dissolved into the soup and it's like you are eating bread completely saturated with soup. This is the part of the meal we call Broup (bready soup). Oh man. You just can't beat broup on a kind of damp cold evening.

(Note to self: get a life.)

BOYZ

2009-02-05T23:09:00.000-08:00

Last week was Crazy Hair Day at school. They have to announce Crazy Hair Day so that you know when the kids are purposefully messing with their hair, as opposed to just the everyday disastrous mess.

Anyway, Sarah decided not to do it. She couldn't find her scrunchies in time. No biggie. We entered campus and enjoyed all the fluorescent teased spiked masses stroll by.

As we approached Sarah's classroom, a boy with green and orange spiked hair came bounding up. I know this boy - he was in her class last year. He looks like a miniature version of Prince William.

"Sarah! Look! I got 3 colors in my hair!"

Sarah didn't even make eye contact. "Well... that's nice..." she said.

This boy just kept on yacking. I finally just kissed her on the head and went to work.

Later I said to Sarah, "I think that boy likes you."

She said, "No, he HATES me. He is constantly picking on me. For example, today I was thinking very hard and my brain got heavy and I had to put my head down. He totally made fun of me."

"Sarah. This is a boy. They don't even realize when their flies are down. And he's noticing your every move? Likes you."

Then today when I got home, ANOTHER boy called our house. To "get the homework assignments".

What the heck is going on here? Don't I have a few years before this starts happening?

HUMILIATION REQUIRED

2009-02-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

Hi there. Boy have I missed you guys! Work devoured January. Hopefully it will use February to digest. But it's not looking that way so far.

It's my favorite time of day. I'm wearing my matrioshka doll PJs and in bed with the laptop. Don is watching Jason Bourne beat up some Tunisian fella - one of them is going to need a chiropractor, I can tell you that much. The dogs are curled up in bed like little fuzzy bricks - somehow they get heavier when they're sleeping, I don't get it. Becca is in bed with a pile of books as big as she is and whenever she finishes one we hear a THUD as she tosses it onto the floor. Tonight she is reading everything from dinosaurs to bumble bees to wiggly teeth. Sarah is in her room reading a book on Egypt after doing every math problem on the face of the earth.

Sarah had middle school orientation today. For God's sake! She's 11. When did that happen, exactly?

One of the news items she was very excited to report is that PE is optional - you can be permanently excused from PE by proving you are in an organized sport outside of school for at least 200 minutes a week. Of course, our time at the ice arena every week more than qualifies...

"Because Mom! If you do PE, you like have to go into a locker room with aaaaallll the other girls at school, and CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES."

"Oh shock and alarm. You are kidding. They make you change in front of girls?"

"Really Mom, don't kid around, I am NOT going to want to do that."

"Sarah, you have to take PE. How else are you going to become self-conscious about your body? This is unacceptable. It's like they are taking a part of the whole middle school experience away from you!"

"Mom you aren't making any sense."

Well, perhaps not. But what is middle school good for, except gaining the knowledge that you are a pod-person, totally geeky and self-conscious and afraid that you might be stuck as a dork forever? PE is Ground Zero for all that. You have to change in front of other girls and you see their bodies and realize Nature is conspiring to change you all. You sweat and smell bad and wonder if your deodorant is going to hold up. You have smelly gym clothes and have to suffer humiliation if they fall out of your backpack. This is the stuff, I tell you!

"I think you just want me to be as humiliated as you were."

Yes I admit it. Humiliation gives you an edge. Everyone knows that to develop muscle, you have to have resistance. Otherwise you're just mushy. I say up with public school PE. It's almost as good as public speaking for building that awkward teenage character.

SERGEANT BECCA FROM SQUAD 1

2009-01-08T16:06:00.000-08:00

Happy 2009! Are you writing 2009 on your checks right now? Tell the truth. Last year was easier - you could just fudge the 7 into an 8 - but turning an 8 into a 9... harder.

I have yet to post my Florida videos. This is because I am waiting on my parents to post their pictures of the vacation on Kodak Gallery. SO DO IT.

(Really that's a lame excuse because both Rebecca and Sarah got new digital cameras for the holidays and they snapped photos of everything down to the TSA dudes. And no, that was not a very good moment for all of us.)

But I wanted to post this hilarious photo of Becca from the trip. We went to this - what do I call it - entertainment venue? amusement park? called Wannado City just outside of Fort Lauderdale. It's a place where kids try out different professions and they "earn money" that they can then spend riding the Ferris Wheel or making a bracelet or something. It's laid out like a little indoor town, you have a bank and a vet and a salon...

http://www.wannadocity.com/
(beware the very loud homepage music)

It was a very fine piece of edutainment. Of course, I still worry a bit that I am creating nerdettes. Everyone else is off skiing over holiday break and my kids are learning how to be CSI agents...

The best event at the place had to be the fake firehouse. Kids learned about fire safety and what it really takes to be a fireman. I know one little person in our house who will never forget to "stop, drop, and roll." Seriously you get to slide down the little slide when the bell rings and get into this miniature fire truck and then the ride off, sirens blazing, to a burning building (fake fire)that they get to extinguish (REAL WATER).

So this had Becca written all over it. The only thing that would have put it over the top would have been the presence of dinosaurs at the actual fire scene, but that was at a different part of Wannado City (yup you could be a paleontologist for 12 minutes).

Have you ever seen a more serious-looking and determined 1st grader in your whole life than in this photo? I think not. (also her nails were looking lovely because she and Sarah had just come from the salon - hah)

She is now convinced she wants to be a firefighter when she grows up. (Unless dinosaurs can be recreated using DNA and in that case she wants to be a dinosaur vet.)

I told her being a firefighter was a really good thing. She would be vital to society. Especially California. And of course, she would have to learn how to cook. (It was news to her that firemen spend that much time in the station and cook for each other.)

"Mom... if I cook and the firehouse kitchen catches on fire... then the firemen can put it out right there!"

Well. Yes. That's true.

2008 MEMORIES

2008-12-31T19:33:00.000-08:00

When I was living with my parents, my dad would give me one of these when he thought I had procrastinated long enough at cleaning up my room or practicing the piano. Once I had a round tuit, I had no excuses and couldn't say I'll get around to it anymore!

So as my last blog act of 2008, I am putting together my highlights video from our June trip to Carmel and Monterey. There, we met up with Ted & Candice and Vica and Roma - Becca's birth siblings. Everyone had a great time just enjoying the natural beauty of California's Central Coast. And we see each other seldom enough that unstructured get-to-know-you time is key. Doesn't make for the most action packed video of all time - but some of the most heartwarming.

G'bye 2008! See you in the history books.

Music: We Are Family by Sister Sledge

HANUKAH FUN

2008-12-28T10:07:00.000-08:00

Becca got this animated electronic lion cub that she takes everywhere and it makes funky noises and blinks. And costs $40. We got so many things that require batteries that I think all these companies are secretly owned by Duracell.

ALEXANDER VS. THE PLANETARIUM

2008-12-27T14:56:00.000-08:00

All right. All of you who know me, know I am a great fan of the people. The everyman.

So every once in awhile when I find the everyman particularly funny, I feel I am allowed to share.

Today we visited a park and planetarium in Fort Myers, FL with Baba and Zada Mitchell. It was really a fun outing. A lot to do and not so bloody hot in FL that you felt like you were melting.

I had not been to a planetarium show in at least 5 years. So I was really excited for this. I didn't realize there would be such an extra bit of entertainment up front.

I should have known what we were dealing with when we first met Alexander. We were in one of the buildings on the property looking at different cages full of snakes, crabs, baby alligators, alligator eggs incubating (eeeeeek), you know. Various creatures from wild Florida. There was a giant stuffed replica of a spider (again. eek.) and my mom wanted to know if there were any spiders in separate cages for us to see.

She asked Alexander, who was passing through: "Excuse me, are there any spiders here?"

He said, "Did you see any?"

(um, no, that's why we're asking) "No, but I was wondering if there might be any."

"Well ma'am, the building is kind of old. I wouldn't be surprised if you saw one, especially around back. We've seen some really crazy spiders here. In fact, I almost got bit -"

"No, no, I'm wondering if you have an exhibit with a live spider in it."

OK really. So when he ended up being the guy who ran the planetarium show, I was prepared for something, but you can't prepare yourself for this.

Here is a reasonable facsimile of the speech Alexander gave before the planetarium show started. I can only replicate it somewhat because at some points, I could not hear him because I was laughing too hard.

"Welcome to the planetarium. I'm Alexander and I am a naturalist. I am not a planeterary specialist, or a geocological expert, or nothing like that. So sometimes the planet show doesn't work the first time, or even the second time. Actually the planetarium is out to get me. The more people that show up - and there is a lot of you all - the more likely it is that the planet show will not work. The machine likes to make me look stupid. Hey, I'm not a computer expert, I just clean up after the gators and work the planet machine. But don't worry, I am a Marine and I will troubleshoot the show and you will get to see it.

"Now it's time for the planet show, but I usually wait 5 or 6 more minutes because every time I start on time, there's always some family that gets locked out and misses it. And why do I say locked out? Because once the planet show starts, I have to lock the doors. I can let you out, but you can't come back in. Why can't you come back in? Because it's dark in here and you might fall and hurt your arm or your nose or fall and smash your face. If you bleed, that could ruin your whole day! And I have to fill out paperwork and then everyone has to wait for me to fill out the paperwork.

"So this might be a good time for all you people to go to the bathroom because if you have to go to the bathroom during the planet show, you can't come back in."

(and seriously, a bunch people then went to the bathroom)

"The best seats are going to be way up at the top so hey you little kid in the front! You should move back because the planet machine is going to block you."

(The actual show took place on the ceiling, however, so unless you were sitting directly under the projector, any seat would have been fine.)

"Now some little kids get really afraid of the dark and think there is a boogieman in here. But I have 2 black belts fourth degree, and I am a Marine so if there are boogiemen in there I will get them, don't worry about that.

"This is seriously the best planet show I have ever seen, and some people say that the voiceover sounds familiar. She's that chick from Star Trek, New Generation. And the music is by that famous composer, Sergei Something-or-other. You know, that guy."

We ran into Alexander after the show during his break and he told us that his other job is cleaning up the alligator pen and he has to sift through the alligator poop because sometimes whole fish skeletons are in there and that's cool for the museum displays. It's a dangerous job, but hey, he's a Marine. I wish I had it on film.

PACKING FOR 3 WOMEN FOR 6 DAYS

2008-12-25T14:54:00.000-08:00

I am not sure why this is "packing light".

COCA COLA COMPANY BAILOUT

2008-12-24T07:00:00.001-08:00

Apparently we are very worried that Coke will go out of business and we will never be able to get diet coke again.

FALL CRUISE 2008!

2008-12-21T10:24:00.001-08:00

The holidays are a perfect time to catch up on some things YOU want to see but I have been too - errrr - obsessed with work to post.

Here's our fall break cruise! We took a Holland America cruise out of San Diego for a week during the kids' fall beak. This fall break thing is 2 whole weeks off at the end of October/beginning of November. Since Sarah is going to be in middle school next year and the middle school doesn't have a fall break, we decided to do something big this year because never again will we get this opportunity.

Cool: from the house to the cruise ship cabin in less than an hour!

Uncool: not a great ship for kids - we were on during Halloween and they really didn't do anything.

But as you can see, we had a good relaxing week full of swimming, eating, Mr. Bean movies, and crazy random activities in Mexico.

See if you can spot:

Becca's enormous knot that she got walking square into a phone booth in Cabo

Cameo appearance by Sarah's index finger

Becca's cruise ship friends with hoop earrings (one's a pirate, one's a 4 year old)

Sarah's Bean impersonation

Becca's happy food dance

Giant lizard on a wall - mlehhh

Music: Jump On It by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince

IT'S DECEMBER 20

2008-12-20T14:42:00.000-08:00

And we have plants starting to bloom.

I'M COLD AND THEY WON'T GET ME A SNUGGIE

2008-12-19T19:37:00.002-08:00

It's in the 40s and 50s here at night. I know, I know, you guys are all playing a tiny violin for me. But our whole 1st floor is tile. I'm cold.

Don won't turn up the thermostat past 65. He is going to win the Jimmy Carter Lifetime Achievement Award.

It's too late to start up the fireplace.

I have decided that I need a Snuggie! It's a blanket... but with sleeves! Ingenious! OK the red one makes people look like a monk. But this is the thing that I really need for the holidays:

I don't have one.
I'm cold.
Similar products sell for up to $59.95!
You can eat snacks and answer the phone! Unlike a cumbersome blankie.
The Snuggie would be here. The blankets are upstairs.

It's $19.95 for 2 and you get a FREE book light. That's like a whole old person's package - cuz my circulation is going and so is my eyesight. They just need to throw in a free crossword!

I don't understand why my family is holding out. I think they were ticked that it's $15.90 in shipping. OK that does seem excessive. But you are getting 2 Snuggies, after all, AND the book light. And I'm cold.

PS - if I DO get the 2 for 1 Snuggies, you people living with me are not going to get to use the extra one. Only Becca, who is not making fun of me.

POST 400

2008-12-19T19:37:00.001-08:00

Far out.

Thought it was time to change the template - it's very San Diego, isn't it? It even has some Spanish to the south - just like San Diego! I lost my links - bust. But I gained a search function - just in case you want to read everything I ever wrote about Archie, for example.

HOW TO TELL IT'S WINTER IN SAN DIEGO

2008-12-14T21:34:00.000-08:00

There are less birds.

The leaves and flowers are predominantly orange and red.

People move their parties indoors. They don't HAVE to. But that's where the better holiday decorations are.

The weatherman uses a graphic that says BRRRRRR! on the map that shows temps in the 60s.

There are holiday decorations with icicles dripping on people's roofs.

You need a sweatshirt till late morning.

THE TOOTH FAIRY COMETH

2008-12-12T22:50:00.000-08:00

Becca is 6 and three-quarters. She has been watching her friends lose teeth for at least a year.

When Sarah was littler, I worried when she didn't hit the usual milestones. I would wonder... is there something I am doing to cause this delay? Can bad parenting cause a kid to retain their baby teeth somehow? Actually the answer is yes - malnutrition can cause a kid to retain baby teeth. And Becca is about as big as a minute and a half and likes brownies a whole lot. I should feel the tremendous weight of guilt right about now.

But Becca is #2. That means I have come to an understanding that she is who she is. I can barely even help her, I just have to hang out and sort of be her life goalie. Of course this is an exaggeration. I can do lots of things including make her take a bath, teach her how much a quarter is worth, and prevent her from using the toaster.

So really, Becca was alone in her worries about losing teeth. She has been obsessed for awhile with wiggly teeth. She knows if each and every one of her friends has one, and where it's located.

Over fall vacation, she insisted one of her teeth was wiggly. It felt pretty battened down to me. But I went with it.

Then on Tuesday, we were having a relatively quiet evening. It was a night that I had managed to make it home before 8 p.m., the dogs were crashed, Sarah was reading, I was working (um yeah. well at least I was home), and Don was watching some TV.

Becca said, "Wow, my toot is willy wiggwy" (hard to say "th" and "l" and "r" when you have your whole hand in your mouth).

And out of the blue she just yanked it outta there. Sarah sprung to her feet yelling TOOTH EMERGENCY! TOOTH EMERGENCY! The dogs sprung to their feet, barking, certain this meant we were being robbed by German militia and they were failing to secure the border. Don turned some shades of pale. He doesn't like blood.

Oh yeah and she was wearing her Supergirl costume during all this. Random.

THIS IS SEWIOUS

2008-12-12T22:23:00.000-08:00

Are you embarrassed as I am about Blogo trying to sell Barack's Senate seat? I mean, what the hell was he thinking? Well, I did not vote for him.

Are you shocked that we are thinking of bailing out the automakers - despite the fact they are lumbering dinosaurs that aren't doing anything to get us ahead in the world marketplace?

Can you believe that over Thanksgiving, my grown niece did not know that Sarah Palin was the governor of Alaska? (actually that's a 2-parter. She did not know that Sarah Palin was from Alaska, nor did she know that the head of state in a state is called a governor.)

Can you believe the tooth fairy still drops off a buck? Times are tough - you would think she would negotiate a hardship reduction.

There's only one thing to say about all that.

BUT I SAVED SO MUCH MONEY

2008-12-07T20:31:00.000-08:00

OK so I spent a whole pile of money on holiday gifts. But considering Don actually was able to FIX the dishwasher - for $125 worth of parts - it's all a wash - because I didn't have to buy a new $1300 dishwasher.

Stuff karma.

BAH HUMBERG

2008-12-07T20:12:00.000-08:00

Being Jewish, it is always so fascinating to me that I feel the same holiday rush as everyone else. Oh sure, I have my share of Hanukkah presents to buy. And some years - unlike this year - Hanukkah is retardedly early and I have to start the whole holiday thing in November.

But this year I couldn't even bring myself think about it. I couldn't even make a list and check it twice. Or even read last year's list.

This is - and I am going to use the most overused word from CNBC - unprecedented. If there's anything that always, even on my last nerve with no sleep, I am able to do, it's make a list. At one time, I even had a master list of all the lists. (that was in the relocation phase...)

Eventually, panic set in. I was foreign to myself. Why was I having a list block? This is an intellectual and organizational disaster. Would it bleed over into other areas of my life and prevent listmaking at work? And how was the holiday shopping going to get done with NO LIST? I can't even go to the grocery store on a "10 items or less" day with no list.

I went to Bunco on Thursday and lamented my fate with the girls. Of our 12, 4 of us had not done anything yet - list making or otherwise. Of course, as usual, I was the only one thinking I was losing my mind. Everyone else was in the "oh well. It somehow always gets done" mode.

So I made like Nike and Just Did It. Listless. (or should I say, list free.) Don subbed in for me and froze his ass at the Ice Arena while I power shopped. I did it Southern California style - I "felt" the gifts. I channeled my nephew... who was he and what would he like? I meditated over the journals... which one is right for Vica? I meditated so hard that I didn't even notice my friend Val staring at me in the aisle. This is something, considering she's a 6 foot tall, shockingly blond woman and she was making faces at me so I would notice her.

There was buying. Then buying more online. Then wrapping. Then running out of tape and taking a break. More wrapping. Boxing. Shipping. And after a hectic weekend, funny enough, it's somehow going to get done. The Bunco girls were right. I'm tapeless, sleepless, and spent a whole pile of money. But it's done.

The real question that remains is: why wasn't I able to make the list? I think it's inability to accept that the holidays are really here. After all, it's still 68 degrees outside. And I have worked enough 70 hour weeks in a row that I'm not sure what day it is. And I have been working on 2009 planning for so long that I am already writing 2009 as the date. I think it's safe to say I am temporally misplaced.

Gotta go. Making a list of posts I owe you people...

SARAH IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD

2008-11-23T07:53:00.000-08:00

We survived last week without Sarah.

On Monday, we dropped her off with a suitcase and a sleeping bag and she went to 6th grade camp with NO contact with us (except a letter I sent that was totally lame because I had to write it before she left in order for it to get there - so it was absolute nonsense) until we picked her up on Friday!

The most sad member of the household was Gizmo, who treated Sarah's empty room like a shrine to be visited, lingered about, and wailed in for varying periods each day. We all did feel her absence, though. It was weird. The longest we have gone without Sarah's presence ever - and with NO contact?! Freaky.

After we fumigated the luggage and disinfected the child - what's amazing is not only did she survive, she loved it! And this is the little homebody who, at her first sleepover, announced to the mom in charge, "I think I had better go home. I'm not ready for a sleepover yet."

Next step: summer camp? And then... Oxford?!

But actually that's not why I'm writing this post. I'm writing this post because when we were at the Ice Arena yesterday (yes friends, 75 degrees and gorgeous in San Diego yesterday, and I'm where???), Sarah's coach told her that she would like Sarah to START COMPETING starting in March! Wow!

Sarah is very excited - and I have to say, not only is it a big accomplishment and a testament to her diligence in practicing her moves... but it's again illustrating the great mystery of genetics that she can actually DO something like this.

Watch the video below - it's not very long because I'm having a bit of a challenge filming her during the practice sections what with all the hooligans skating in front of me and falling all over the place (aka people like ME).

All I have to say is that if I tried what she is doing in this film, there would be 3 little kids skewered on my skate like a bunch of martini olives, and that's IF I was able to stay vertical (unlikely).

(Sarah is in the white hoodie and the brown skirt)

GOBBLE GOBBLE

2008-11-20T06:23:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving from the 1st grade!

These are great little clips - check out Becca's dance moves! She is strategically placed on the bottom row near the end. Mostly so that if she starts wandering around or smacking her neighbor, she can be whisked away...

BECCA'S VIEW: MICHELLE OBAMA

2008-11-11T21:30:00.000-08:00

SYNCHRONIZED OBSOLESCENCE

2008-11-09T22:06:00.001-08:00

Have you ever notice that everything in your house breaks at the exact same time?

Our dishwasher is broken. Don is thinking he's going to try and replace the motor and see if that does the trick. There is a big motor lookin' thing on our kitchen island right now.

Don let Becca play an online Winnie the Pooh game over the weekend. When he went to check on her a couple minutes later, she said, "Dad! I'm searching for old classmates!" And she was using Classmates.com! This made me laugh very hard - who is she looking for, preschool kids? Anyway - the Dell then said ahhhh-chooooo - and now Don is trying to fix a computer virus as well as the dishwasher motor.

The car windshield is cracked. We may need new tires. The answering machine broke. I left my laptop battery on the cruise ship. Peh.

RIGHT THIS MINUTE

2008-11-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

Sarah is in bed reading the last of "The Black Stallion". She's snuggled up with Gizmo, some bottled water, and a lilac scented lamb toy. There is more lip gloss than lip on her face right now. Boy is she a sweet baby.

Becca is in bed reading a book called "Hidden Worlds." It's a National Geographic book from the set my mom bought for my sister once upon a time. It's about spores. She has a bandaid covering a papercut she got making a paper turkey out of pictures of Barack Obama. She has decided she wants to chase tornadoes for our next vacation. She is also a sweet baby - maybe more ginger than Sarah's sugar.

I'm lucky.

DISCOVERED ON VACATION

2008-11-01T17:13:00.001-07:00

I'll blog about the vacation soon - but meanwhile, it bears noting that we all discovered that we love Mr. Bean. There's something in Bean for everyone.

Music: "Mrs. Bombastic" by Shaggy

I WILL NEVER LEARN: PART 287

2008-10-24T23:55:00.000-07:00

We are going on a cruise tomorrow. The Pacific is calm - we are packed - the house is clean (because you can't leave a dirty house - I'm not sure why, there is no logical reason).

Because I am raising nerdettes, I figured, what better thing to do than go to the library and let the girls check out some books of their choosing to read on vacation?

Becca selected the almanac. Need I say more. The kid is reading the almanac. She has already explained to me in great detail some things about weather, crops, and insects that I'm not sure I have ever heard. I'm concerned for both of us.

Sarah loves horses. So she borrowed "National Velvet" and "The Black Stallion." And she started reading "The Black Stallion" first.

It would be one thing if I had never read this book nor saw the movie. But I have done both, several times.

The book is about a boy who is on an ocean liner that sinks and he and a horse aboard are the only survivors and they wash up on a deserted island and have to fend for themselves and pretty much go native.

Child sleeping in our bed for a good part of the week afraid of cruise ship sinking. And I will never learn...

NERDETTES

2008-10-23T00:11:00.000-07:00

We are raising girl nerds. Nerdettes? Nerdlets? Hm.

We have an 11 year old who is not into texting, school dances, makeup, incessant phone calls, tube tops, or computer games. She has an iPod she never uses. Instead she makes lanyard bracelets and watches Olympic skaters on YouTube.

We have a 6 year old who isn't into dolls, play dates, My Little Pony, or tea party. OK she will do any physical activity on earth - scooter, skates, gymnastics, running, throw herself off the couch, whatever. But actually she would rather look through our toy microscope at different dead things from the yard, and read the encyclopedia.

I invented this system called TV tickets. It bugged me that they were watching what I thought was too much TV - so now they each get TV tickets - they can spend them all watching a movie or they can spread them out during the week for a TV show here and there -and when they're out of tickets, they have to wait till Sunday to get more. Once the kids watched "The Sound of Music" and it's so bloody long they used all their tickets- and then no more TV that week.

First of all - they spent all their tickets watching a Julie Andrews musical - NERDY.

Second of all - the TV ticket thing sucked the impulsive fun right out of the activity, and made them all but forget about the television. They don't even really ask for it anymore.

So now I have effectively removed these kids from pop culture. TV, phone, iPod, Internet - either severely limited or not interesting to them. AND we live in suburban San Diego - where there is such cultural uniformity I can't even use haircuts to tell the moms apart. I feel like we are just candlemaking away from being Amish or something.

I worry that they are going to be out of touch. And yet - I like the nerdettes. They are learning about the world - the actual world, not Hannah Montana's world. The world that has hot lava in the middle and frozen ponds for ice skating on the top. I have no idea whether I'm doing the right thing or not. We'll know in 20 years.

ONE THING IS FOR SURE: FRECKLES IS DEAD

2008-10-19T23:44:00.000-07:00

We have hermit crabs. Wow - looking at that sentence, it looks like I am confessing to some STD. But actually we have PET crabs.

At first, Becca got a crab for Hanukkah. The aptly named Scooter - this crab is like the Jesse Owens of hermit crabs. He has nearly busted out of the enclosure a few times -we had to resecure the cage. He found a way to climb up glass aquarium walls. Not bad for an animal with a brain the size of a pin head.

Then we got a book on crabs and discovered they are very social and like to be around other crabs -they're more active when there are a group of them. I'm not sure what we were expecting from poor Scooter, considering he was practically doing backflips already.

So we got 2 more crabs.

Diesel - who was about the same size as Scooter. Scooter seems to understand when he's being handled and just kind of crawls over your skin. Diesel likes to HOLD ON. I suppose you could call it holding on. He once pinched me so hard that the girls were crying in fear watching it and I saw stars. Bastard.

And then there's Freckles. Freckles was a small crab and he was very entertaining when we got him - he loved to eat bananas, we would just sit and watch him pick off pieces of banana for a half hour at a shot. He was pretty shy while being handled, but probably because he was a small and more fragile crab. He liked to change shells - actually he had a bit of a complex, he could never quite decide between two shells in particular and would change back and forth a couple times a night.

Then all of a sudden, Freckles got very quiet. Not moving for a very long time - we're talking a week. Sometimes crabs go through these more quiet periods. Usually I just pick them up and put them in their water bowl or on a rock or something and this gets them going.

Picked up Freckles and he kind of slumped out of his shell. Poked him a couple times. Nothing.

Becca was in the tub. Sweetie baby. She was playing with her sharks and dolphins. I could hear her singing to them. "Oh don't eaaaat meeeee, I'm just a nice dollllphiiiin, but I'm so hunnnnngry, and I have a baby shaaaark to feeeeed." I figured this was my chance; I'll just go and get rid of the crab so that she doesn't have to be traumatized by his limp orange dead body.

So I flushed him.

The kids were rattled a bit when I told them. Was there something we could have done? Signs we ignored? Were we bad crab mommies? I assured them that sometimes these things just happen.

Then Don was doing a little research on the Internet. "You know," he said, "it could have just been molting." Here's the what he was reading:

It is surprisingly easy to mistake a molting hermit crab for a dead hermit crab, especially when they molt on the surface. A molting crab appears quite limp and lifeless and the body is often partway out of the shell.

OH MY GOSH. I killed Freckles the Crab! This is the logical assumption, right?! I killed a child's pet! Moreover, I flushed it. Can you imagine - there you are in your closet changing clothes, when a tsunami hits! Right in his moment of greatest vulnerability.

I AM a bad crab mommy.

AT LEAST THIS IS A BIT BETTER

2008-10-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

VACATION? OR NO VACATION?

2008-10-11T19:12:00.000-07:00

Just 2 weeks from today, we are scheduled to board a cruise ship out of San Diego Harbor and take it south into Baja and Mexico for a week.

Unless a HURRICANE comes and kills the vacation.

I'm reminded of Becca's 4th birthday, on which we took a tour boat out to see some whales, and it was an absolute barf fest....
http://lifeversion2.blogspot.com/2006/03/3-hour-tour-3-hour-tour.html

ANOTHER SATURDAY IN THE COLD VOID

2008-10-11T18:30:00.000-07:00

Saturdays are kind of this weird vortex - leave for the ice rink at 10:45, get back at... 4?! Huh?

Today, Becca struck up a good conversation with Melody - Melody is the little sister of one of Sarah's good friends. Mothers like this - convenience.

They compared wiggly teeth, junk food preferences, and ice skating pranks. Good times.

CAN'T KEEP 'EM STRAIGHT

2008-10-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

Here is something I really do seriously have to work on. I can't keep the moms straight at the grade school. It's getting me in trouble; I can't just say "hey.... you...." forever. They know my name.

It's too late in the year to be able to legitimately ask theirs.

Still, I can't help it. I stand out! I am a good foot shorter than any of them, brunette, and well - Edelmany. Those of you who share these physical characteristics know what I am talking about.

They are Valley of the Dolls. And what really messes me up is that this year they all managed to get the same haircut! The Jennifer Aniston. It's deadly.

My hope is to attend a function where we must all wear nametags...

TRYIGG TO STAY POSITIB

2008-10-09T15:41:00.000-07:00

(I have a cold)

Today was Yom Kippur, day of atonement. It's been a pretty good year - I have been petty, sarcastic, selfish, guilt inflicting, and rude - perhaps even within the space of a single post on this blog! - but in the scheme of things, I haven't really done any great big wrongs this year. So that's good.

Today the Dow is making me sort of mad. I suppose I really can't blame people for PANICKING and running for the hills with whatever money they can scrounge. The future is as uncertain as it always has been - but now we're thinking about it much more.

I am figuring on telling all our finance companies to save a tree and stop printing our statements for awhile. It will give me a good excuse to call them all and see if they are still in business.

Meanwhile, I am trying to love the Dow. It's hard. Really hard. So my technique is to think of something Dow that I can love. The scrubbing bubble from Dow Bathroom Cleaner. Who doesn't love the scrubbing bubble? He happily cleans off your soap scum, saving you thankless hours. I love those little guys.

(sorry too much nyquil)

HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL

2008-09-30T21:21:00.001-07:00

L'Shana Tova if you are Jewish -

And if you aren't, we Jews would like to share our New Year with you - because at this time, I'm thinking we all need a fresh beginning, a couple resolutions, and a cocktail.

Our little foursome and a few hundred other Jews gathered at Moonlight Beach here in Encinitas for an evening service. It's such a great event - we go every year. It's called Tashlich (tosh-LEEK) and it's that point where you get to symbolically cast away all your sins from the past year, cleansing yourself to enter the new one. Here in San Diego, we use breadcrumbs to symbolize the sins and throw them into the ocean. Cuz that's dramatic. And also, a legitimate excuse to go to the beach with your friends during the week.

Here's a little bit of the text from the service. I think if you're a part of any religion - or no religion at all - it has ideas that resonate so true with our state as a nation and on this planet. And depending on your faith, that's either uncanny coincidence or a little bit o' God talking.

Let us cast away the sin of deception, so that we will mislead no one in word or deed, nor pretend to be what we are not.

Let us cast away the sin of vain ambition which prompts us to strive for goals which bring neither true fulfillment nor genuine contentment.

Let us cast away the sin of stubbornness, so that we will neither persist in foolish habits nor fail to acknowledge our will to change.

Let us cast away the sin of envy, so that we will neither be consumed by desire for what we lack nor grow unmindful of the blessings which are already ours.

Let us cast away the sin of selfishness, which keeps us from enriching our lives through wider concerns, and greater sharing, and from reaching out in love to other human beings.

Let us cast away the sin of indifference, so that we may be sensitive to the sufferings of others and responsive to the needs of our people everywhere.

EARLY SIGNS

2008-09-28T19:49:00.000-07:00

Note that it is NOT my goal in life to have my kids follow in my footsteps professionally. I have comforted myself by believing that this relatively meaningless profession is allowing me to support my kids and foster in them a nature of giving such that they will grow up to join the Peace Corps and run soup kitchens...

I am NOT purposefully spawning advertising executives. But I have to say, I might be.

Testing Sarah on her science facts tonight - test is coming on Wednesday, of course, the day after a major Jewish holiday that involved food and frolic.

"OK tell me how volcanoes form in the middle of the ocean."

"So like in plate techtonics there's this thing called divergent boundaries? Like in the middle of the ocean, two oceanic plates pull apart and then magma comes up to fill in the space. But magma is hot and so it's less dense than the ocean water and so sometimes a VIOLENT EXPLOSION occurs and it might have led to the DEMISE OF THE DINOSAURS!!!!

"Also Mom. Look. Here's a picture of volcanic eruptions. Don't you think the ash clouds look like 2 moose? Look here are the antlers and there's its chin thingie."

Sigh.

THE GREAT EDELMAN BAILOUT

2008-09-27T08:52:00.001-07:00

You know I usually keep my political views off the blog. Because I love each and every one of you regardless of your beliefs, and plus they really aren't the topic of this particular site.

But yesterday I have to say I was more disturbed by the $700 billion Wall Street bailout progress than I was by the election debates. Which is saying something...

The disturbing part of the bailout is not the idea of bailing something out. Though at the core that's also disturbing. In my 20s, I spent too much money when I first started working. Bad budgeting. Did I expect the government to bail me out? Or even my parents? Nope I bailed myself out. It took a few years and some very painful phone conversations, but I did it.

Regardless, I realize that others have always depended on the kindness of strangers, as Blanche so famously said. So I'm never surprised when this talk of bailing out starts up.

In this case, the government is going to find a way to get us some $700 bn further in debt so that Wall Street can be bailed out. Why is this? Well, you can watch CNN and read the Financial Times if you really want to know. I am a human behaviorist - at least for pop culture - for a living, and I believe it's because the demographic of our fine government is a bunch of old white dudes who, like me, cringe when they open up their retirement fund reports. If Wall Street takes a dive, they're retiring poor.

As well, the dudes on Wall Street are like, their best friends? And of the people in the world whom you don't personally want to see suffer, best friends are up there. They've probably been to parties in the Hamptons where their best friends are lamenting the state of things, serving downgraded caviar, and giving pleading puppy dog eyes for help. And who can resist that?

You might be thinking - well, once Wall Street is bailed out they're gonna save our bacon! Those companies are going to revive the economy and make the 401Ks look a whole lot better. Sigh. Still retiring at 65 and that was a close one. I would like to dissent and say I don't think this is going to happen. I think they are all going to dress up in their tuxes on Dec. 31 and give each other an annual bonus and you'll be back up 10% - but not near making up the 40% you're down.

So the government is stepping out on a limb and rescuing its friends. Buy stock in fractional jet companies because that's where the money's going to go.

Meanwhile, everything out of the microcosm of those very wealthy individuals is way out of whack. The average person can't really afford the average tank of gas to get to the average job. This ain't right. We can no longer afford gas, health care, education, and shelter. Um - ok I hate to bring up my job again - but can you say Maslow's hierarchy? If you're worried about your basic needs, you are hobbled in nearly everything else.

Oh wait you say - we were already bailed out! Remember those economic stimulus checks back in the spring? I forget how much that was. $600? That was a $45 bn package from Uncle Sam. So the Maslow's Needs dwellers got less than 10% of what the government is now willing to do for Wall Street and the caviar plan.

I suppose it's our fault because we didn't take the $600 and buy stock - we looked at it and said, hm what can one actually do with $600? Paid the electric bill and bought an ipod.

I'm not angry - I just want a solution. That's what I tell my kids when they bring home a bad test paper. And that's what I will tell these kids.

Here's one solution. I'll go for the Wall Street bailout if they get the corporate equivalent of $600 each. And they have to apply for it and wait like everyone else did.

But actually I have a better solution. Because that first one isn't going to work - because the $600 didn't work for the American people either. So why do something that isn't going to work? That's dorky. We might as well declare National YouTube Day and sit home and watch consumer generated videos - that won't work either, but it's really a whole hell of a lot of fun. (at least the first 20 minutes)

OK here's the idea. We do the freakin bailout. The government wants to spend $700 bn we don't have. Great let's spend it. We'll go halfsies with them. They can spend $350 bn, and we get to spend the rest. With about 301 million people living in this great country of ours, that means we each and every one of us get to decide where about $1200 goes.

The government can give us a list of choices and check boxes. I'm good with that. Long as we get the typical write-in slot.

This way you can send the dollars to the places you feel will most improve your life if they're fixed. Wall Street might have to fend for itself in the face of places you feel impact society.

I'm sure you see the flaws in my plan. I'm sure you see merits and could even make it better.

Well however it works, after you give the government its marching orders, you have to sign up for a volunteer effort. 74% of Americans reportedly volunteer already. But I don't mean volunteering at the school bake sale, important though that may be - I mean volunteer for someone less fortunate than yourself. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Make a sandwich for a homeless guy if that's all you can do.

Because no matter how bad it is, it can always be worse, and you know it. You're reading this on a computer, after all. Probably the computer cost more than the $1200 fictional bucks I just gave you to save the world.

And if we had a country full of people who were making sandwiches for homeless people, we would not be in the shape we're in today - which is a country full of people who know more about what's on YouTube than what's involved in a $700 bn bailout of financial institutions.

OK. I'm done.

COLD & ACHY

2008-09-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

Spent 4 hours in the ice rink today. Coldest place in San Diego. There were people there in puffy ski coats. Brrrr.

I have a sore throat.

Sarah had to be submerged in hot water and given lots of liquids to drink - she had some pretty nice sore muscles after working with her new coach! Time to get some stretching figured out.

Becca is the only one who seems unscathed by the whole experience.

JUSTIN FOR PRESIDENT, BRITNEY FOR VP

2008-09-17T08:10:00.001-07:00

I bet you thought I meant Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears should run for office in this wonderful country - oh no my friend. (though apparently they are nearly qualified)

The grade school is having student council elections. There are wonderful posters all over the school telling what each candidate intends to do for the school if elected. They have wide-ranging platforms such as:

have more fun
raise more money
support the school's values
give back to the community
make the school more environmentally friendly

Driving away from the school, I passed lawn signs for Obama and McCain. And I think they can learn something from Justin and Britney. Here's what I think the candidates should seriously consider employing.

MORE GLITTER. There is no glitter on any of the campaign posters for Obama nor McCain. I believe this is a big mistake. Glitter is eye-catching and if someone has used glitter, you know they took the time to personally make sure the sign is its very glammiest.

BIG PHOTOS OF YOURSELF IN THE 5TH GRADE. Justin and Britney are cute, bright-eyed, and full of the promise of tomorrow. I think photos of Obama and McCain as 5th graders would be very inspiring (though, I am not sure color photography was invented yet when McCain was a kid).

THE HAVE FUN PLATFORM. Does anyone REALLY think these guys are going to help the economy, inspire world peace, or save the planet? OK you don't have to admit it to out loud, but at least to yourself. In lieu of these important jobs that we desperately need done - I do think they can promise to have more fun. There should be more balloon animals and fuzzy pens. I think McCain could corn braid his hair, for example. And Obama could declare cross dressing day or something. You know! Fun!

FARTY FAR

2008-09-12T07:41:00.000-07:00

So today, I turn 44. Or as they say in St. Louie, Farty Far.

I got a bluetooth earpiece, some shopping money, a necklace my mom made for me, earrings from my mother-in-law, and a book on Picasso's dachshund named Lump. And took part of the day off to spend with Don, who is now BACK.

I really don't need anything. (Well, except perhaps the earpiece.) As I sit here typing this, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. I have a good husband and sweet little girls. Other relatives we love who love us. Great health, an exciting job, a caring business partner. Landscaping. My own side of the closet. Aside from the fear that we don't have anyone qualified to run the joint, America is pretty cool as a place to live. California hasn't fallen into the ocean nor burned to a crisp, and San Diego is a ridiculously gorgeous place to live. We have friends. And an abundance of choice in nearly everything.

I wonder what the next farty far years will bring. Funny, I don't have huge ambitious change that I'm hoping for. I'm really hoping to be blessed with more of the same. Cuz nothing's really missing.

I hope to be lighter, I suppose - physically, and emotionally. I believe I take everything too seriously. I think that probably sounds odd to you, as I can find the humor in just about everything - but I work waaaay too hard. Not just at work, at everything. For example, I'm helping Sarah's class with the reading program. I have to make a poster to help the kids keep track of how many minutes they read. Do you think I just slapped up the reading list on a posterboard? No. Had to have a THEME. You don't want to know. Really.

I hope to defy gravity better than I am right now. Checking into Wonder Bra.

I hope to give back more. The more I give back, the more I realize there's more to do. The more satisfied I become, the more it becomes apparent that the great bulk of people really are not.

I hope to become a better friend. Right now I'm a good employee, a good mom. Maybe not so good of a friend, a companion.

In this vein, I hope for a 36 hour day. Just for me. Everyone else has to stay on 24 or the extra 12 does not really allow me to get ahead.

I hope to kill off the wish for a 36 hour day (see: work too hard.)

I hope to learn even more about myself.

I hope to live long enough to become a burden to my children. For like, 2 weeks, and that's all.

I hope to allow life to surprise me more.

Sarah said her friends kept track and she laughed 62 times on Tuesday. I hope to emulate her.

I hope to always have hopes and not just needs.

SINGLE PARENTHOOD

2008-09-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

So Don is not here. He's in Chicago visiting with our family, friends, and old neighbors.

Kind of a mini-vacation. Needed. Cuz it's hard to be with the little people all the time with a wife who works 60 hours a week.

It took some orchestrating. I'm working till around 1:45 p.m. and then I go and get the kids. There's always something or other after school, it seems - piano lesson or Hebrew school or the tutor's coming - then we have to organize the homework. Snack pet care phone calls lists backpacks mail laundry dinner cleanup bath reading - and inevitably remembering SOME homework thing that never got written down nor communicated to ANYONE except for NOW AT 9 P.M. THE DAY BEFORE... so then there's The Speech which is sort of illogical and also doesn't seem to work but still... what do you think, I'm going to come to college with you and organize your work??? You have to figure this out!!!

Then they're in bed and I get back to work!

I don't really see how single parents do it. I suppose they do it differently. There is no Hebrew school or piano - there's aftercare programs at school. There is a much later late night - because going through the backpack can't start till 6.

I did get ambitious (because I NEVER EVER really know my limits) and cleaned out the toy closets again. And picked this week to declare war on TV. So we're living like Pilgrims over here. Well, maybe not Pilgrims. The Amish? Yeah the Amish. Because we have shunned the outside world and have made purses.

Archie is acting damned weird. I think he is feeling the loss of the "alpha dog" and is stepping in where Don left off. Which means he's BARKING A LOT and patrolling the border constantly - boy is it annoying.

There are also the little things. For example, I can't watch crime dramas - they freak me out too much without Don around.

Appreciating what I have. Needing a massage.

HANG 4

2008-09-07T07:31:00.000-07:00

(4 paws, that is)

Only in California - right? I can't really even walk without tripping. And yet there are dogs that are able to surf. And they were pretty good! Meaning several were surfing at one time and they were able to not only stay up, but kind of steer so they didn't hit each other! Gnarly, dude.

I took the girls to Del Mar Dog Beach to watch this competition, a charitable event for an animal shelter near here. Oh yeah it was so California. Not only were there surfing dogs, but it was so laid back. Other people brought their nonsurfer dogs so there were dogs running all over the beach. There was also a doggie costume competition. Judged by some chick who won a surfing competition on MTV and another gal who looked like she had spent my annual salary on plastic surgery and hosts a show on E!

The girls enjoyed some all-natural smoothies with wheat grass. And we think sometimes we are very, very far away from Chicago.

SARAH PART 2

2008-09-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

Went to the pediatrician with Sarah. She hasn't been in 2 years - after age 9 they only have to go every 2 years for well kid checkups now.

The doc politely informed us that Sarah COULD GET HER PERIOD AT ANY MINUTE - holy hell - based on how she's developing.

She officially needs a bra and apparently a handout on physical and emotional changes.

We went bra shopping. We ended up purchasing 2 Puberty Denial bras (white sports bras with no semblance of support) after much finger-pointing and crying (on both sides).

She won't use deodorant. She won't read the handout.

It's possible she's looking forward to this change even less than I am.

Meanwhile there was a 6th grade dance and I found out AFTER the fact! When I asked Sarah about it she said - they're usually just for the popular girls and middle school kids crash it and Things Go On that she doesn't like. (not sure what Things this could be with the number of chaperons, but still...)

I'm raising... The Church Lady? Not that I mind. She's a very sweet person. With 2 bras she won't wear. Sigh.

WINTER SPORTS

2008-09-04T06:45:00.000-07:00

I have been spending my Saturdays at the ice skating rink.

Yes, you read that right. We moved to San Diego. SAN. DIEGO. It's sunny, like, 300+ days a year. There are 70 miles of beach. Some of which is 10 minutes from our house.

There are 2 ice skating rinks and both are far, far away.

Sarah has adopted ice skating as her sport of choice now. She was at a bit of a loss when we moved from Chicago and found there were no rhythmic gymnastic programs to be had. Because you can be outside year-round here, it's not as critical as it is in the Midwest for a kid to have "a sport" for sheer exercise purposes. The kids ride their bikes and scooters and go to the park and run around - still, Sarah missed having something she could call her own.

She found she was good at ice skating in camp and kept begging us to take her to the rink - and lo and behold, she actually IS good at it. It seems to require the same combination of grace and athleticism that rhythmics requires - only you don't have to throw shit up in the air and catch it while forming the letter Q with your body. (Which is hard. Not that ice skating isn't hard. But there's just not that much to keep track of unless you're doing couples and have to throw a PERSON in the air.)

So Sarah takes lessons every Saturday now and is begging me for a personal coach. Bah I guess we'll see. Of course with Sarah taking lessons, Becca wants to take lessons too. (She's not as talented, but doesnt' really mind falling a lot, so what's the difference.) And it's far. (did I mention?) So you leave the house at 11 and don't return till 3. There goes Saturday!

FIRST GRADE FUN

2008-09-01T21:20:00.000-07:00

I think Becca is having a fantastic time in the 1st grade. Look at her printing! I think I can't print that well. And she is bringing the most hilarious drawings home - the kids have to draw depictions of different words they're learning. I love her connection of the shower to the ocean - must be learnings from Finding Nemo...

BTS

2008-08-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

Last week the kids went back to school! And there was great rejoicing.

Prep wasn't as bad as last year. Got smart and paid for the school supplies through the PTA - they arrived neatly shrink-wrapped and labeled by grade. No OfficeMax for me!

The kids still needed a fool's ransomworth of clothing - but it wasn't such a production since I had gotten smart last year and bought Sarah 2x the number of jeans she needed and so they just had to get hemmed when she got too tall for the first round. Then we made the first round into cutoff shorts. Isn't that green of me? And the only part of Becca's body that is actually getting bigger seems to be her legs - she can still wear a 4T top (or smaller!), but her pants from last year turned into capris. Which miraculously are in style. So there.

The worst of it was SHOES - Sarah had grown 2.5 shoe sizes and now wears a 6 or 6.5 WOMEN'S... not ready for this NOT READY FOR THIS.

Aren't you glad you're reading this post? It even makes me want to put a pen into my eye. Sorry.

Sarah got the teacher who's really quite serious about preparing you for the 7th grade. Lots of timed tests and neat and clean binders. She's running the Marines of 6th grade. And there was great rejoicing.

Becca got the teacher who agreed to take her on. She actually loves Becca and thinks she's funny. Becca spent the whole first week - DOING HER WORK and respecting the classroom rules! There wasn't any poking, popping, peeing, or pulling on herself or anyone else. Aging is a wonderful thing.

And I am a week into being Homework Bitch from Hell - she got a break over the summer, but she wasn't too far under the surface. Nobody really likes her, and she has a thankless job. But they never learn to adapt their behavior to avoid a confrontation with her, so at some level, she's needed.

LADIES NIGHT

2008-08-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

from left to right: Sarah, Emily, Allison, Karina

I know it's small - you can click on the image to see it bigger

We celebrated Sarah's 11th birthday by taking her and 3 of her friends to see "My Fair Lady" in the open air theater. We took them to a nice restaurant beforehand. And bought fudgecicles at intermission.

The car rides were so loud that by the time we got to the restaurant, I seriously needed a glass of wine. These girls had only seen each other here and there throughout their jam-packed summers, so they were a bit overexcited to be together - which I think added a couple notches to the volume.

And then they decided to sing the most obnoxious camp songs any of them had learned.

I think the winner was Karina - she sung "My Name is John Johnson." I feel I must share it with you because this song is so insidious that it will just glom onto your brain. And why should I be the only one with this experience?

My name is John Johnson.
I come from Wisconsin.
I work in the lumberyard there.
When I walk down the street, all the people I meet say
Hey, What's your name?" And I tell 'em:
[Repeat]

If you want to learn the tune from a couple of Indian-sounding guys who don't know the words (kind of funny - kind of irritating) - here it is -

It reminded me a lot of being a preteen (maybe a little older) and getting to go to the local mall with my friends and going into the luggage shop and pulling all the strings on the laughing heads they had there. Well come on if you are going to have a collection of laughing heads in a store - what are the chances that at some point, someone is going to make them all demonstrate their abilities?

It appears that being a preteen is all about this fine mix of doing adultlike things (getting to go to the mall without your parents, going to a birthday party that's dinner and a musical instead of a kiddie birthday party) and acting like a complete 'tard (pulling pranks and singing dorky camp songs). And saying things like you're a complete 'tard.

SINGING DOXIES

2008-08-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to capture this on film for some time... when Sarah practices piano, Archie and Eddie accompany her. To round out the band, we have tried to teach Gizmo the tambourine, but it's not taking...

OVERHEARD FROM THE DRIVER'S SEAT

2008-08-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

Monday starts a new year of school. The two dear sweet little pumpkins who live in my home, will be in 1st and 6th grade. And sales of Advil will rise for all.

The school year brings a lot of structure - too much, I think - to our lives. It's a delicate balance of homework, Hebrew school, play dates, piano lessons, choir performances, teacher conferences, the daily Reading of Shit That Comes Home in Backpacks, the girl drama, the TESTS. Making everyone shower, eat, think, on a schedule. Individualized schedules. And they will like it. THEY WILL. Because we parents work our fingers to the bone, day and night, night and day, and WHAT DO WE GET IN RETURN??? Nothing but cryptic notes from school about lunch money.

Sorry about that, clearly I'm suffering some post elementary school stress disorder and I cannot help the ticks.

In some ways I am very glad they will be moving their little booties into the school. Because I have camp drop off duty in the morning now - and those 25 minutes have become SHEER HELLLLLLLL. The little angels cannot really go 3.5 minutes without starting a new fight.

That's my lunch. No it's not - it's MY lunch.

I'm better at horseback riding than you. No you aren't. Yes I am.

It's my turn to put on the sunscreen! Give it here! No! Noooooo!

You can't bring that stuffed animal to camp! You're not the boss of me!

Get in your seat! I am in my seat!

Mom, she HIT me! No I didn't! Yes you did! Well I didn't mean to. What do you mean... you reached all the way over here and hit me on purpose!!!

Nothing really rivals the precamp drive for picking fights. Everything is really fine and relatively quiet until they climb in the backseat with the camp bags, and then all hell breaks loose. I'm not sure why. I'm thinking of consulting a shaman and seeing if I can scare the poltergeist that's provoking them out of my car. Or sell my car. I think it might be the car. Is that my insanity talking?

MISSOURI RETROSPECTIVE

2008-08-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

So here's all the fun highlights from our trip to Branson and Springfield, MO in June! Thanks to my nephew Jeff for the great snaps - made for a great little film!

Music: Happy Birthday To You by The Beatles

I KNOW YOU ARE WONDERING...

2008-08-05T20:23:00.000-07:00

Who the heck watches this show and laughs at it.

Sarah and Don. That's who.

RETIREMENT: THE MOVIE

2008-07-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

I am in the midst of making a little compilation for you of our trip to Branson for my mother-in-law's 80th... of course I have no footage of the apparently *hilarious* trip I had sliding down the wet hill, and you have already sort of seen a sneak preview with the smiling badger.

But by popular demand! One thing I wanted to post completely separately is a conversation I witnessed and taped between my brother-in-law Larry, my sister-in-law Nancy (the one who's laughing her ass off) and my sister-in-law Linda (who in this film totally takes a swig out of a liter bottle of Dr. Pepper - I was too busy laughing at Larry to notice this but it made me laugh so hard when I watched the tape! I'm sure she will be very proud of this moment being on the Internet and also, not so much want to show her kids).

The topic was Larry's... errr... hobbies now that he is newly retired.

Before we get into this, let me just say that I have known for a very long time that the Dykshorns were people of deep and finely wrought rituals. I'm not just talking rituals in the broader sense (marriages, funerals, graduations - those things that are NORMALLY ritualistic behavior). But they are creatures of very meticulous habit in the everyday world. Like an infant having a bedtime routine, there is something very comforting about these rituals.

I once witnessed 4 Dykshorn men eating ears of corn at the same time. It was like they were all in some sort of trance. Stick in the corn holder stabbie things... forkfull of butter (not knife)... smear it left to right while rotating the corn with the other hand... salt left to right while rotating the corn with the other hand... eat left to right while rotating... and there is NO sound allowed during this ritual.

Maybe that is what made Larry's story so funny - it was new and yet, I recognized it immediately.

I will tell you the story of the ritual and then you will be allowed to watch a bit of the conversation. Because that is MY little idiosyncrasy (control freakism).

There is a movie theater where Larry lives where you can get various discounts. One of the discounts involves the wearing of a tshirt with the movie theater's logo on it. This gets you unlimited free popcorn. Further, if you buy a plastic cup with the movie theater's logo on it and you bring the cup to the theater, you can get $1 refills. Larry makes a point to buy his movie theater tshirt and cup on the very first day of the year if he can - because the deal lasts the whole calendar year and you don't want to be without these items if you can help it... and then, after the year's up, the shirt makes a mighty fine top for sleeping.

There of course are deals for seniors and for the matinee. Attending a film at a nondiscounted time throws off the ritual.

Here is a little bit of the movie attending experience. Just a bit of it. You can probably well imagine the rest. This bit is called: Preparing the Popcorn.
(how about that... it has to do with corn...)

AHHH... FIRES, EARTHQUAKES, ROCK SLIDES

2008-07-29T20:18:00.000-07:00

Well. The car at the last second did get fixed. Ulcer 1, Cadillac 0.

The trip was breathtaking. In so many ways... seeing the kids together was magical. Becca and Roma immediately latched on to each other and watching them was like watching 2 fish swim together, in perfect rhythm.

"Mom. I am in LOVE with Roma. I am going to MARRY Roma."

"No, you can't marry your brother."

"But why not?"

Hmmm complicated. Genes - laws - birth defects - and she's an adoptee...

"Because it's just gross and wrong." (ok so what would YOU have said?!) "But it's better to have a brother anyway. Boyfriends mostly leave... brothers are forever."

So after a couple days she stopped calling him honey and started calling him bro. Okie dokey.

Vica is a different girl than she was 2 years ago - she is always smiling and has discovered she has talent as a writer - and a passion for it too.

Sarah is starting to wonder where she fits with this funky family. I should have a better answer than I do. And I will.

We went hiking around Big Sur - which was still charred from the wildfires. We went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium - which had some crazy cool exhibits. I have never seen 3 story high giant kelp, or a shark embryo with the shark growing and twitching inside, or giant octopus - if you can go, go... best aquarium ever!

The kids were largely really good on the 8 hour drive each way. We did pass some interesting rock slide passes in the very curvy 74 mile drive through the Santa Lucia Mountains. And despite the hairpin turns, nobody barfed. (but it was a close one)

Our digital camera was pronounced dead for sure, so you will have to wait a bit to see the pix of the kids and such.

Now we're back at home - Sarah's spending her last week as a 10 year old - but somehow I haven't aged for years (inside). And today there was an earthquake! Rolly chairs slid around our conference room for a few seconds. Hooray! A real California earthquake!

OK... WHAT ELSE?

2008-07-22T08:27:00.000-07:00

We're going on a car trip tomorrow to Carmel to see Becca's sister and brother.

The car we were going to drive is in the shop. It may or may not be done by tonight. The other car has no AC - fine for short trips around San Diego, but not for long drives. We reserved a rental car as a backup, but the rental car place closes at 5. I have meetings till 5:30.

Just before camp, I tried to take some photos with the digital camera and discovered it's broken. On the way to drop the kids off at camp, I knocked my knee into the speaker on the passenger side door and broke off the screeny looking thingie. The camp just called me to say that Becca was stung by a bee.

I'm not going to walk under any ladders...

FATHER'S DAY REVISITED

2008-07-20T12:54:00.001-07:00

Here's our videos from the Del Mar Fair... ah I can still smell the funnel cake.

The best entertainment wasn't really planned. It was the poor saps trying to control the ostrich that broke loose. I'm not sure the arm-waving is so effective. I think the ostrich just has to get exhausted and resigned to capture on its own before any containment is really possible. Still, I suppose they felt like they were helping...

Music: Put on Your Sunday Clothes, from "Hello Dolly" (Streisand/Crawford)

WHERE WILL YOU RELOCATE?

2008-07-18T17:27:00.000-07:00

Don found this unbelievably funny piece - and I laughed so hard at some of it, I had to post it. The California one is completely 100% true. The Midwest one does NOT apply to Chicago - I think we should write one just for Chicago!

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....

You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food
You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can live in California where.....

You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You can live in New York City where...

You say 'the city' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
You think Central Park is 'nature'.
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
You've worn out a car horn.
You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can live in Minnesota where...

You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
You have more than one recipe for moose.
Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can live in the Deep South where...

You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
'y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural.
'He needed killin'' is a valid defense.
Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

You can live in Colorado where....

You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
A pass does not involve a football or dating.
The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...

You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' on the same day.
You end sentences with a preposition: 'Where's my coat at?'
When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, 'It was different!'

And you can live in Florida where...

You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

75 YEARS OF STANDING REAAAALLLLY STILL

2008-07-12T00:00:00.001-07:00

Went to Pageant of the Masters today and met up with my friend Laura there.
http://www.foapom.com/site/overview_pom.asp

It is a live theater event where people act out famous paintings. It's really hard to describe so I'll show you.

Famous poster to the left being re-enacted through art and live performers below.

So they set up a scene and then light it and it looks freakishly 2-dimensional somehow and the orchestra plays some music while you say "wouldalookatthat??" to your neighbor. I don't have a clue how the people stand still for that long. When I was getting married, I had to stand still for awhile and I swear, everything itched. My nose itched and then my shoulder itched and I couldn't scratch because, well, who wants an itchy bride? I have to think these people get cramps and itches up there.

And then every once in awhile they'll have some other aspect of live performance - like a singer to accompany the orchestra, in costume that matches the period of the picture you're looking at - so there you are looking at some renaissance painting thing and the orchestra is playing and some gal is out there dressed like Bo Peep and belting out a song about older men and younger women and you're thinking... last time I had Nyquil, I dreamed something real close to this. Only Bo Peep was my aunt in the dream.

We ran into my friends Chris and Allison and their kids. They put forth a very sound theory for the origin of this Pageant. Many years ago a bunch of very expensive-wine-drunken people were hanging around Orange County and said HEY! LET'S ACT OUT FAMOUS PAINTINGS! (being the Orange County hooligans they were) There happened to be a sober Republican among them that figured they could probably charge money for this. And hence was born a long tradition of spraypainting volunteer citizens gold and making them hold up huge lit balls for 5 minutes at a shot.

I have had a summer chock full of unique art experiences. In Missouri in the resort we visited a couple weeks ago, there was lots of taxidermy. Including a badger that seemed to be smiling.

Yes this is also art. It's a dead animal that is now inanimate art, posed as if it's still living.

Pageant of the Masters is live people who are imitating inanimate art.

There were some Pageant scenes that were poses of Shakespearean play scenes. That's living people imitating art that's depicting live theater.

My head hurts from that last one.

Finally, I offer you my best idea of the night: an idea for a CSI episode inspired by Pageant of the Masters.

Think about it.

SARAH'S NEW 'DO

2008-07-05T22:10:00.000-07:00

Catching up on some posting - Sarah got her hair cut around June 19 right before we left for Missouri - the braid gets sent to Locks of Love tomorrow!

HAPPY 5TH OF JULY!

2008-07-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

Did you know that the Declaration of Independence was not actually signed by most of the delegates till August 2, 1776? In typical American fashion, we jumped the gun and declared July 4 as Independence Day.

So why not wish you a happy 5th of July? Seems perfectly logical.

Yesterday we woke up. (A critical first part of the day.) Went on the dorky little neighborhood parade - which I really love. All the kids decorate their scooters and bikes with crepe paper and balloons and the Fire Dept. shows up and drives the truck real slow around the neighborhood while everyone trails along.

Our friend Kim is the GM of the local Water District - y'know they're all about everyone getting artificial turf instead of grass and not flushing toilets and things to conserve water. But she was SICK - so the fire guys hooked up the water hose and blasted all the kids for like 20 minutes. It was not so earth saving - but it was FUN. REALLY FUN. I'll tuck another $10 in the water bill or something...

Then we entertained some friends for a BBQ - they're moving into the neighborhood after a series of heartaches so it was great to get their minds on something else for awhile.

After a brief late afternoon rest - which we knew at least Becca needed because when she's tired she can't modulate her voice anymore (HEY!!!!!! (poke, poke) YOU WANT TO COLOR WITH ME????) - we headed off to one of the big fireworks displays. We decided to go up to Oceanside.

Oceanside has a really cool pier area. But for some reason, it was like someone invited everyone who had just gotten out of jail in the last 30 days, to this particular beach. Now... I never really mind this. I like to be out amongst the people. But our friends thought we were for sure going to be killed. We did come within 15 feet of live fireworks being shot off in the street on our way back to the car. Still, come on. This is the melting pot country here.

Actually that wasn't the real problem. The REAL problem was... after we had parked somewhere near Canada, the sun went down. The air temperature dropped and a thick fog developed. Otherwise known as the marine layer. Thick enough that you could not see the fireworks! It was like fireworks for the visually impaired...

I was proud of the crowd, everyone (100,000 everyones actually) just kind of walked back to their cars and went home. In the heat of Chicago downtown, such a rip-off would have been the stuff a small riot could be made of. I suppose Californians are just more laid back about stuff.

RELATIVES VERSUS STRANGERS

2008-06-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

So in a pinch if you were in trouble - who would you rely upon, a relative or a stranger?

Before you answer so quickly, let me tell you a vacation story.

So there I was in the heat of a Southern Missouri morning. With my extended family, we were at a lovely resort overlooking a calm lake and enjoying each other's company while miniature golfing, and meanwhile Becca was working on her monkey bar callouses. I was with Becca - not because I am too worried about her on the monkey bars, but because I notice that strangers are QUITE worried that Becca will fall to her death.

So there's the first hint - here I am nonchalantly watching Becca hang 20 feet in the air and other moms are sort of walking around with outstretched arms thinking she's going to crack her head open.

It had rained the night before - really hard. If you haven't been watching the news, let me tell you, people in the Bible Belt are thinking they are going to see Noah float by any moment now. So the ground was extremely wet.

I started to walk down the hill between the playground and the miniature golf course - when WHAMMO - I slid on the wet grass and being in flip flops and on an incline and in complete slush, there was no saving myself. I went down. Kind of flat on my back. (and I might have made a little "umph" noise - I'm not sure)

And this is when anyone witnessing the event could easily tell exactly who my relatives were, and who the strangers were. My relatives laughed. Hard! And pointed! And made sure any relatives that had not seen the whole event, at least saw the aftermath! So they could laugh TOGETHER!

Including Becca, whom I had been spotting! (Casually, maybe, but I woulda caught her...)

(in fact if you are related to me - you're laughing now! QUIT IT)

The strangers rushed over and said "Oh my gosh! Are you OK? Can I help you up? Are you sure?"

And that made the relatives laugh even harder if there was such a thing. Blanche from Streetcar Named Desire did say "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers" - yeah baby.

TEETH WITH GOALS

2008-06-16T10:48:00.000-07:00

Hey we were looking at a local freebie magazine over the weekend and our dentist is on the back cover! Pretty funny.

I remember when we first moved here and he asked me what goals I had for my teeth. This was pressure. I have goals for so many parts of my life, but teeth were not one of them... I started to get paranoid, thinking, am I some sort of dental slacker for not having teeth goals? The only thing I could think was that I wanted to keep them as long as possible.

But as you can see, Dr. Galli has teeth goals for himself. They are as white as the sailboat in the background painting, and they are big enough to offset his forehead. Well, I suppose if your dentist has lousy teeth you should worry.

My first dentist in Chicago (Dr. Shoneberg - who I went to till he retired) had really normal teeth. They were not Dr. Galli celebrity teeth. They kind of overlapped and there wasn't all kind of crazy tooth whitening going on. And he would say things like "you don't have to floss all your teeth. Just the ones you want to keep."

Sigh. In many ways, I will always be a Midwesterner...

DON FINALLY MOVED IN

2008-06-13T16:16:00.001-07:00

Corvette photo shrine is finally hanging up in the garage.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOO YOOOOOO

2008-06-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

Today's Don's birthday. I figured with my schedule the best gift I could give him was time. So I took the day off. We ate breakfast out, walked on the beach, had an iced tea at a coffee shop - ahhhh it was nice.

I took Becca and Sarah shopping the other night while Don was at the HOA meeting, so they could pick out gifts for Dad. Here's what they got him:

Becca:

post-it notes (cuz he is always complaining we never have any)
chocolate (cuz Becca is always complaining we never have any)
a book light (she originally wanted to get him a lightbulb, but there were too many varieties and she felt she was going to choose one that "wasn't his favorite kind")
a really big spatula (the kind you use to flip burgers on the grill)

Sarah:

salt & pepper shakers (the kind that grind the salt and pepper fresh for you - Don likes fresh pepper)
a model Corvette car

They picked out their own cards too. It was really cute. Random, but cute.

A MINUTE AND 40 SECONDS OF MEMORIES

2008-06-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

Here's a bunch of events that happened over the springtime... all mashed together.

Baba's visit - during which we rode on the Duffy Boats in Newport Beach with my cousin Steven, his wife Marci, my Uncle Allan and Aunt Phyllis.

Mother's Day - during which we visited Balboa Park and some nice museums.

And my Grandpa Dave's stone dedication - during which we enjoyed very much my nephew Zach and my niece Nora becoming a preschool cousin's club.

OK the photos don't really go together - except they're people I love and days I'll remember.

Music: Beautiful Day by U2

MONDERWEAR

2008-06-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

OK tip!

If you have an anally retentive child, do NOT I repeat DO NOT GET a set of underwear that is 1 for each day of the week.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Sarah?"

"Can I wear the same underwear to bed that I wore today to school?"

"Ummm... NO!?"

"How come?"

"Because... EWWWWW!!!!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean - you know - EWWWWW!!!!!!"

"But Mom. They aren't dirty!"

"Sarah. You just took a shower. You cannot put your clean butt in dirty panties."

"But. I'm confused and I don't know what to do. The new underwear is sooooo nice, and it feels good."

"OK so put on another pair of them."

"I can't. It's not Tuesday yet."

"OK so what do you think is going to happen?!? You are going to hear a voice in the bed: SAAAARAAAAH. THIS IS YOUR BUTTTTTT. I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE IT'S NOT TUESDAY YET, I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP TILL MIDNIIIIIIGHT."

"Well no. But shouldn't I wear the Tuesday underwear tomorrow?"

"Oh for God's sake. OK put on some other day. Like Saturday. Saturday's party day. Par-tay!"

"Mom what are you saying? I don't understand."

"I'm saying - get a clean pair of underwear. On your butt now."

And it went on for 10 more minutes. She's wearing a pair of the old underwear to avoid day conflict. And now I need to go and buy another packet of days of the week underwear so there will be an AM and a PM pair.

My own fault, I have lived with this person for 10 years.

WEEKEND WARRIOR

2008-05-31T22:16:00.001-07:00

Today I bought a bunch of new plants and repositioned a bunch of beds in our landscaping. I got a 5' tall cactus. Yes that is ' and not ". My tailbone hurts. And I got a sunburn. My fingers even hurt.

Becca came with me to shop for plants and supplies. She will always come to Home Depot with anyone who wants to go, no matter how dull the shopping list, because she knows it is the home of the Home Depot Dog. They're just Vienna Beef franks but she thinks they are the world's best food.

ICU UCME2

2008-05-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

Sarah drew Becca.

Becca drew... a genetic mix of Sarah, myself, and a horse.

MAGICAL ME

2008-05-23T18:01:00.000-07:00

So the kindergarteners put on some entertainment for us last week. They can mess up all they want and it's still just cute. Here's a song from the program... if you're one of those grandparent types, you can see the WHOLE program at:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7865973507181014686&hl=en

REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY

2008-05-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

Briana's Bat Mitzvah in 4 minutes - with a little jellyfish break. I'm reminded how beautiful my friend Melissa is inside and out, what a great job she did pulling this together, how much their family loves each other - and what a cool chick Briana is.

Especially compared to Melissa and me at that age! Melissa and I went to each others' Bat Mitzvahs - I remember riding up and down on the elevator at the Top of the 7s hotel in Clayton for entertainment during it - of course during Briana's nobody dared leave lest we miss the awesome DJ for even a minute. And I found a photo of Melissa with my other friends at my Bat Mitzvah the other day - hmmm you know what, I think we were "late bloomers." Fortunately I would rather be an interesting 43-year-old than an interesting 13-year-old cuz that's what I got.

Looking at this makes me excited for Sarah's. Even though I'm scared out of my wits. And I am old enough to have a Bat Mitzvah age daughter. Well in 2 years anyway. And it's going to be hard to top the jellyfish.

Music: Don't Stop Believing by Journey (a Briana favorite)

DON'T WORRY, WE MADE IT BACK

2008-05-19T22:22:00.000-07:00

TALENTED AIN'T THEY?

2008-05-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

Sarah's drawings, Becca's math. Becca can ADD! This is crazy - since when do kindergarteners learn to add? And Sarah is a more talented artist than I ever was.

ZOMBIE

2008-05-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

OK if anyone knows of some experiment that pays people a lot of money to study what stress does to the human body, let me know, because I think I could easily be a subject.

Last week I only worked 70 hours and I felt like I was working part time. That's stupid.

So I did get hypnotized by my friend Chuck. What is really odd about this:

Who the hell gets hypnotized? This is so West Coast.
Chuck is a board certified hypnotherapist. Who on earth sits on this board? I bet if I told anyone at the AMA this, they would laugh till they vomited.
It's hard to keep your concentration when someone you know is saying "now think about your eyelids. feeeeel them relaahhhhhxing. they are sooooo heaaaavyyyy."
Now sometimes at the weirdest moments, Chuck's voice pops into my head and tells me to do things. I don't remember a lot of the session, but it's funny how at some random moment I will hear Chuck say: "now get up and walk around. See how much better you feel when you jusssstttt... take a breaaaaak."

I'm going to start posting things now... here's something I think my friend Melissa sent me. Or my sister-in-law Linda. Or I got it along with a Viagra ad in my spam folder. Whatever - it reminded me of Becca.

HOGWARTS CALIFORNIA

2008-05-03T15:06:00.000-07:00

So just a few days after the discovery of bats - there was much commotion over a snake.

Don was painting our fence and I was gardening - and there it was, curled up by the air conditioners. Beeeehhhhh. I blurted out "SNAKE!!!" Which I believe is what 50% of people probably say first (other option is a swear word)

The snake picked up its tail and shook it. Which did not make me feel too good. Beeehhh open toed shoes. (don't know why open toed shoes + gardening)

By then Archie and Eddie had heard me say SNAKE and came to see what I was up to. They were quite happy, I believe they thought I said "STEAK!!!" Being a city slicker and not really knowing what kind of snake this was, what with all the tail shaking and everything, I ushered them into the house, where the kids were playing.

Upon hearing that there could be a poisonous snake in the yard - their instinct was to go out there and take a look? I worry about their long-term survival. After scolding them for bad thinking and commanding they stay inside, I went to get Don.

Who was also wearing open-toed shoes (don't know why open toed shoes + painting)

He grabbed a broom and went to see the snake and scolded ME for bad thinking and commanded me to stay inside. Hey! I'm 43. I can hang out with the snake, right?!

No, I got yelled at again.

A few minutes later, I went to check to see if Don wanted closed-toed shoes. Because I'm Jewish, and in an emergency, it's important to be properly dressed. I mean, if I have to call 911, what's the first thing the firemen are going to say to me...

Don had the broom in the air ninja-style. The air conditioning pads, lawn mower, and trash cans were lined up like Stonehenge. I thought better of asking anything and went back inside.

Sarah was already Googling the snake, which Don thought was a baby rattlesnake because of its size and all that tail-shaking. But come to find out it's an alameda whipsnake. A threatened species.

By the time we found THAT out, it had been decapitated and flung onto the slope outside our fence. We all feel a little guilty now. But how does one know?!?

Well, it's a learning experience. I am hoping for some eye of newt to pop up soon, then we can take the snake carcass and make a potion at dusk with the bats or something... I'll have to go to Cauldrons R Us for some supplies...

A BRIEF ODE TO THE BORING MEETING

2008-04-29T20:36:00.000-07:00

Oh meeting.
You are so dull.
Your end I'll be greeting
With a party in the hall.
And whoever made the mistake
Of not planning a bathroom break?
Oh meeting.

GONE BATTY

2008-04-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

So now that we have outdoor furniture, we sit outside. I know this sounds obvious - but we haven't really sat outside since we've lived in the house because it was just too depressing to be back there on the concrete driveway slab thing facing the scraggly weedfest.

Anyway, we were out there 3 nights ago and the sun was setting, so pretty, it was like 75 degrees out because it's been warm here. And then a drunken little bird flew by. And every 30 seconds, more drunken little birds flew by.

We thought for a little while they were hummingbirds, but that didn't make any sense based on the flight paths and the fact that it was dusk. Then we thought maybe they were big moths, but they were zipping around corners and not really attracted to the outdoor lights. And then one flew right in between us and we figured it out! Because it had elbows.

Apparently they are Mexican free tail bats. Now every night we're out there waiting for the bats - they fly in between little swarms of gnats that swirl above our lawn and any puddles that form after the sprinklers turn off. They are so cool!

So far when I have told people they have said:

Cool! (5%)
EW! (80%)
Do you know you can get them stuck in your hair? (5% - and this is a myth by the way)
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! (10%)

Well, anyhow. WE like them.

SHE LIVES!!

2008-04-25T19:58:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone - oh my gosh I have been working like 85 hour weeks on average for the past month and I'm seeing double. Business is growing and hiring is lagging the growth - ouch. I had a dream I was in a POW camp actually, that's how grueling it is.

So what have we been up to... let me see.

Spring Break camp went over fine - Becca has no hand/eye coordination (bad baseball player) but she can outrun a teenage boy - so we're thinking - maybe track?

Becca has finally cracked 40 pounds - found out at her 6 year checkup. Also all her annoying behaviors (defiance, combativeness, rough play, ignoring us) are completely normal for age 6. Foo.

Sarah is getting As and Bs in school thanks to her new study habits and our new tutor, Jeff! He looks like a praying mantis - but with results like that, who really cares.

Sarah has become - er - touchier. Allowing me to use those tried and true mother phrases such as Your Eyes Are Going To Stick Like That and Commere And Let Me Give You Something To Really Cry About.

A shark attacked a guy a couple miles down the beach from us today. Really!

Illinois had an earthquake last week. Really!

My mom came and visited us for part of spring break - we had fun together and squished ourselves into a photo booth at the zoo. Much noise ensued.

We are continuing to work on our yard - got some outdoor furniture but something tells me we might need a market umbrella too.

I got my hair highlighted and I can now honestly say that blondes do NOT have more fun- they work like 85 hour weeks. Seriously - every time I look in the mirror I sort of get scared for a minute. Sarah actually cried when she saw it (she's not a huge fan of Change). But apparently it will help the grey roots not show so quickly. So that's good. I'll try and take a photo of it soon.

We're in the middle of Passover. If this is all the Jews had to eat for 40 years, I feel their pain. For our seder, I wrote a play called "Slaves of Our Lives" (title courtesy of my sister) - it was fun. For a holiday with 4 glasses of wine involved, I have come to realize you can make people do nearly anything. Made people sing new verses of "Walk Like An Egyptian". Oh yeah.

I'm fixin' to make a highlights film of the Bat Mitzvah we attended last month so hold tight - and when I get my brain back I promise more musings.

SPRING BREAK CAMP, DAY 1

2008-03-31T20:38:00.000-07:00

Click to see it big if you can't read it. THIS coulda been way worse.